Bad blood Mary - bad.

After sleeping in and slowly getting ready, we headed back to Manifesto for brunch.

Fuck was it good.

That was until the manager gave us a treat - complimentary bloody Marys.

I was feeling fabulous until I had sip of that fuckiing drink. And then I wanted to die.

After a couple of trips to the ladies room (thank god they weren't squatters), we went to a stinky street market.

Haggling had gotten a bit tiresome at this point, so my bargains weren't over-the-top, but still so cheap.

After the shopping, Jarod demanded we go to the Sex Museum.

So we did.

It was definitely interesting and all the signs were bi-lingual, so we didn't get a dildo confused with butt plugs - phew!.

Still pooped, we headed back to the hotel to prep for our trip home.

My hat for your pants

The past several times I have gone out with Jarod and Steve, Jarod has been the one getting 'fall-out-of-the-cab' drunk. Literally.

So, I was kinda expecting the same when we were in China.

I was kinda wrong.

We left the hotel and had difficulties finding out nightspot of choice.

Finally we got there, paid $20 to get in and prepared to watch Jarod go. It just so happens though, that I was the one to be 'that-girl'.

Why, you ask? Well, I was drinking gin & tonics all night, and to my surprise, they were free-pours, equalling about 4 oz of booze (according to Jarod).

Oye.

The music was great, the view was stellar and the boys were cute. So the drinks kept on coming. And coming. And coming.

Which explains why I was the way I was.

Steve had never seen me that messy, Jarod had never remembered me that messy and needless to say, I had a fucking blast.

You can't beat beer and shopping

We woke up the next morning to the sound of Steve saying "I am finding something to wear even if that is all we do."

Our itinerary was set.

So off we went to the French Concession. I find it so odd that Shanghai considers itself the Paris of the East and that the French had a presence here so long ago - just odd.

We bought a couple of cheap beers and started shopping.

After shopping for a little bit,l I had found a couple of things, Steve found a jacket and Jarod had just found bitterness. Typical.

One of the tour books we had mentioned a Propaganda Museum that was worth checking out. So we postponed the shopping and headed down to the museum.

This was so cool - these posters ran the gamut of messages, from stuff about steel to stuff about America. I thought the ones talking about American imperialism and race issues in the US were definitely the most interesting.

After the museum, we went back for some more shopping, but again, not without a beer in hand.

How lovely life is when you can shop with beer.

Also, I have to say how much I love shopping with/for boys. I got such joy out of playing stylist for Jarod and Steve and making those shopgirls WORK.

After shopping, we headed to a Lonely Planet-recommended lounge.

Manifesto was so good - the waiters were cute ex-pats who gave us some hints on where to go that night

After that, we headed back to the hotel to prep for our first night out in China.

YAY!

Shanghai surprise

When we arrived at our hotel in Shanghai, we were, well ... a little surprised.

Our hotel in Beijing was very nice and in an amazing location.

This one was nice, but out of the way and surrounded by what is considered slums by Western standards. Like, I am talking derelict buildings, poverty, you know, what you visualize when you think of slums. Ok, maybe not TOTAL slums, but definitely slum-ish.

We are troopers though and started out tour of this city of 20 million! Can you imagine, 20 million other people to deal with?

Before we got to Shanghai, Jarod had described it as 'the last line of defense against alien invasion' - and he was right. I hate it when that happens.

The buildings here are straight out of the future. They are big, imposing and a little audacious. I am convinced the city planners just old a bunch of architecture students carte blanche.

Some of the buildings worked for me (Shanghai World Financial Centre) and others didn't (Oriental Pearl TV Tower). I don't know, I think new buildings are neat, they do things with architecture now that would be unimaginable, but the old stuff impresses me a lot more. Does that make sense?

Anyways, we checked out the Bund, and searched (and I mean searched) for a ferry to take us across the river. We had some guy wanting to charge us $15 each, but just said "You have to follow me" - um, no thanks.

Finally, we found the $1 ferry, and crossed the river to the Pudong, walked around for a bit and went for expensive drinks on the 87th floor of the Jin Mao Tower.

The view was sick - hello, 87th floor! - I think Steve squealed when we got up there. Getting up there was interesting in itself, the Hyatt only starts on the 54th floor and looking down is enough to cause some serious vertigo.

After the $20 drinks and the overpriced appetizers, it was off to bed. We aren't young anymore.

Smog free living

Wednesday morning we got up and were shocked - there was no smog!

It is amazing, because the day we did The Wall, it was disgusting. Seriously, you couldn't see two blocks in front of you!

So we headed out - tried to do the Underground City, but it was closed.

After that, we went to The Beijing City Planning Exhibition Hall.

Sure, it was neat to see the scale model of the city, but none - and I mean none - of the signs or descriptions were in English, making it a cool, but relatively uninformative visit.

They did have a 4D movie though - we couldn't see it, but Jarod mentioned something about it being about Aquarius' age or something.

After teh Hall, it was off to shop till we dropped and to see Embassy row and where Jarod used to live.

Embassy row was neat, but just after walking past the embassies, we ended up in what seemed like little Russia. Russian restos, stores selling furs galore and a lost of writing in Ruskie.

Weird.

Then we caught a cab to Jarod's old neighborhood. He hadn't been back to his hood for a number of years and was shocked at the development that now surrounded it.

It is amazing what unlimited resources will do for development.

This was also the second night we attempted to go out. The time was a bust - we just ended up going for pizza and beer (yes, you read that right).

The second time was a bit of a bust too - the gay club we went to was empty and the other clubs were full of irritating 17 year old Chinese kids on too much Red Bull, listening to bad hip-hop. Ew.

So, we went back to the hotel, happy to not be out.

Oh, and this was disturbing - we got out of our cab to go to a club and this 8 year old boy in Santa hat opens the door, wishes us Merry Christmas, asks us for money and takes a drag of his smoke!

We aren't in Communism anymore Toto.

Ok, it's pretty great

Tuesday, we hired a car to head to The Great Wall.

A short one-hour drive we got the to wall-section Jarod planned for us - the Junyonguan Pass.

A. MAZE. ING.

It is one of the restored parts of the Wall and it has a lot of stairs.

FYI - stairs are one of my great fears in life. Going up or down, all I see is the potential for death. I HATE stairs.

I had made this very clear to my travel companions early on, but more on that later.

The first few portions were packed with visitors, clammering to get up.

Once you get past them, the climb is really chill, despite all the stairs.

About an hour later, we were above the smog and could see several other parts of the Wall.

Breathtaking.

And to think this thing was built 2000 yrs ago. How the fuck did all of those poor ancients do the trek up to build it, because the end of this section is at the top of a mountain.

Crazy.

So, we got to the top and enjoyed the view for a while and the boys decided to take the back way down.

Now, of course, because I don't want them thinking I am a wimpe, I followed.

This was possibly the scariest thing I have ever done.

In my entire life. And I have jumped off cliffs, out of planes and climbed mountains.

I am not a fucking wimp. But the ancient Chinese were not good at making stairs a consistent size. Some were really high, others were barely stairs. It made for a descent that required a lot of attention. I got dizzy a couple of times, had to sit down and almost started crying.

I have never been more freaked in my entire life.

I was pissed and told those two idiots so.

Come to think of it, I am still pissed.

Fuckers.

All-in-all though, the Great Wall lived up to its name.

Next time though, I am bringing some hiking boots and checking out an unrestored section.

And not follow two jerks who like to test my emotional stability.

Jerks.

One Ticket. One Person.

After our extensive tour through history, we headed to the market where we were accosted by booth people. Bargaining was all around and it was stressful. I actually had to get stern and tell a few booth girls to stop touching me. Someone called me a liar (which actually ended up being a bargaining tool for me) and I had had enough.

Irritated and shopped out, we headed back to our hotel.

The plan was for me to take a short nap and then for us to head out.

It ended up we all napped - until 2 AM!

Needless to say, we didn't go out.

When we awoke, we caught the subway to the Olympic sites.

Side-note: I am pro-democracy, don't get me wrong, but there is something to be said for 100% of a state's resources going to one goal. The Olympics was this goal, and beyond the Olympic sitese themselves, the Olympics has had an impact on this city - even I could see that. The subway system is second-to-none. Clean, efficient, effective and cheap as hell!

I digress, we got to the Bird's Nest and the Water Cube. Both of these sites are amazing.

It is hard to get a real sense of their impressive nature from the tv. Sure they looked cool, but they were incredible.

They are both marvels of modern architecture.

Both are beautiful, but I hate the Water Cube.

HATE IT!

You see, the Bird's Nest was straightforward - buy a ticket at the gate, go through the gate and gawk.

The Water Cube was a convoluted example of poor planning - or at the very least, a government needing make-work jobs for people.

Walk here, go there - the whole thing from crossing the street to the Cube, to getting tickets, to getting in, to checking it out, took two hours and only 45 minutes of that was spent actually IN the Cube.

Ugh.

I was cursing the entire time.

Idiots.

Don't be rude, stop staring

One of the things that I have noticed about China thus far is that people stare at me.

And not in the 'look at that hot piece of ass' kind of way either, but they do stare and a lot of them do.

I'm not going to lie, it makes me a little uncomfortable. In Canada, if people are caught looking at you, they will smile to acknowledge the fact that they aren't a creeper.

Here, they just stare and don't really care if you catch them.

The boys say it's because they think I am exotic. I just think it's because 'one of these things is not like the other'.

Whatever it is, during our exploration of Temple of Heaven the stares got fun.

First - Temply of Heaven was beautiful. Where Forbidden City had lost it's lustre to me - I just can't do that much history for that long - Temple of Heaven seemed more natural.

It had locals doing local things. They were playing cards, singing, working out, heck some were even playing hacky sack. This felt like a typical Sunday afternoon.

So we saw all the sites, yada yada yada.

When we were walking to the Echo Wall (which is not even a wall) this rural looking gentleman came up to me with his camera and stared speaking Chinese.

Jarod, in all his useless glory, didn't know what they were saying, but it soon became clear.

He was asking me to take a picture with two of his friends.

I laughed, put my arms around them and took the picture.

I am pretty sure they thought I was Halle Berry, but no one believes me.

Except my ego. It believes.

I'm sorry, that was HOW much??

After spending three hours strolling through the Forbidden City, we headed out to find some food.

We stumbled upon some random food joint and with much relief, sat dow.

I, like any unprepared foreigner, expect my tourguide - in this case Jarod - to handle all communications.

Since he has lived here and is essentially a bit of an 'egg' he knows what to get and he doesn't disappoint.

One of the things Jarod mentioned about BJ before we left was that beer and smokes are CHEAP, but as per usual, I didn't believe him.

I should have trusted him.

The beer at lunch was 4 yuan. Which roughly translates to $0.80!

Can you imagine?!

And, AND, that was for 580mL.

I almost died.

No-No City

On our first full day, we had been dying to sleep in, but that totally didn't happen. Up at 8AM, our day started awfully early.

We walked to Tiananmen Square, where Steve was accosted by a random Chinese dude. Buddy asked (we think he asked, Jarod's Mandarin isn't that good) to get his pic with Steve, which was fine and dandy, but then he planted a kiss on Steve's neck - HA!

After wandering around the Square for a while, we headed across the street (which we could barely see with all the smog) to the Forbidden City.

What is there to say about the Forbidden City? It's VERY old, it's very pretty and it is fucking huge.

Beijing is definitely the most foreign city I have ever been to, but it is also the most historic. Ok, well Lonjdon may be as old, but it didn't feel that way.

It was weird to think that the stones I was walking on had been walked on for six centuries.

Also, another thing I noticed at the No-No City - in China, I am exotic.

Hold your breath

When we landed in Beijing, I was totally unprepared for a couple of things:

a) The smell
b) The temperature

It is hard to describe the smell. It wasn't garbage or rotting anything or sewer or anything like that. It was ... just hard to handle.

And the temperature, well I have totally become a Vancouver temperature wimp, but my ass was COLD!

After an hour-long bus ride to the hotel, listening to the annoying tour host talk about the the most auspicious tours available, we arrived at our hotel, which was surprisingly nice.

We went upstairs, slipped into something more comfortable and went exploring.

One of the things that excited me about this China trip more than anything was that Beijing is Jarod's New York. He lived there for about a year and LOVED it.

Our hotel was perfectly located a block from Tianammen Square and the Forbidden City.

After walking around the area, we began the hunt for food - Steve was getting hun-grumpy.

Because it was so late, our options were limited. But we found a nicer resto (with the best dumplings ever) and ended up paying a bit more than we expected - and by that I mean like $20 CAD.

After dinner we headed to the Sanlitun district where Jarod used to cause trouble in.

While we were too tired to get in any serious trouble, I did experience a first: the squatter.

It is self-explanatory, but I have included a link, just in case. Call me a spoiled North American, but I like my toilets to be toilets. I hate the squatter.

After the beers, in a bar where smoking was permitted, we headed back to the hotel and got ready for our first full day in Beijing.

San Francisco Treat

I really like San Francisco. I have been there several times and a) think the city is beautiful and b) think it would be a cool place to live.

I was super excited when I realized Steve and Jarod had never been there. Mainly because I felt cooler and more worldly than them both (even though they have traveled far more than I).

So, after grinning the whole flight away, we got into out hotel and took the subway downtown and went to find something to eat.

We wandered aimlessly for a bit but finally found some direction.

We headed to North Beach and Littly Italy. The first time I was in Little Italy, it was with Eve and we found possibly the best gnocchi ever. No seriously, I have yet to have better.

I digress.

Because it was so late, the boy and I had abit more difficulty finding an open resto. So, to ease our pain while wandering, we brown bagged some beer. I have to say, this has become one of my favorite travel traditions with these two. So we are a little trashy, who are you to judge??

We didn't have to walk far before we found an open spot. The food was great, we were able to sit on the patio, in December, can you imagine?!

Oh, and one of the best things (which other cities don't allow, but seems crazy to me), we were able to smoke on the patio!

We were all a bit drunk by the end of dinner. We went to a blues bar for a beer, bought some of our own and headed back to the hotel to play Catan.

A lovely one-night stand with San Fran.

You drink too much!

Who thought a 12-hour flight could feel so long?

We boarded, we waited an hour for cargo and then we took off. The booze was free (yay!), but we totally got judgement. The fucking flight attendant actually said to me (me!) 'You drink too much!'

Yeah, well don't be a fucking bitch and do your job and get me a fucking beer.

Idiot.

Air China flight attendants are the WORST!

We played Catan, a dice game, fell asleep and woke up with five hours left on the flight.

WHAT!?

Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!

The start of my China adventure started as most others, packed, ready to go, in a cab on my way to the airpors and headed to my gate - nothing out of the ordinary.

I was already really excited, ask my co-workers, I was annoyingly excited.

The plan was to meet Jarod and Steve in San Fran, hangout and catch our short 12-hour flight to beautiful, breezy Beijing.

I was close to my gate, having a beer and a snack when I got a call from Jarod. Apparently, their flight from Edmonton had been cancelled. Fuck.

My selfish mind immediately went to 'What will I do tonight in SF?'

I went back to my sandwich and didn't really give much thought to it. Really, what could I do about it?

I was people watching and saw a guy wearing a jacket that looked an awful lot like one of Jarod's and steps behind him was a dude that looked an awful lot like Steve.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

I yelled across the very busy terminal - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!

As I ran towards them - a scene straight out of a movie - I realized that I was causing a bit of a scene.

The sneaky boys came through Vancouver and surprised me. After the screaming stopped, I composed myself and we headed to San Fran - but I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the night.

I had no idea

So, I leave for my China trip in two short days. TWO SHORT DAYS!!!

And I am freaking the fuck out. How am I going to get everything done? How am I going to be ensure that every project I am working on, every loose end is tied up?

HOW?!

I have never taken a full two-week vacation from a job. I have taken random days, here or there, a week maybe, but never more. And this will be almost three weeks of freedom from my job.

It couldn't be at a worse time though. I suffered writer's block last week and literally stared at a blank screen for hours. How is that possible? Writing comes so easily to me, somewhat naturally even, and here I was, wasting time, re-writing an opening sentence.

'Just write' my co-worker said to me.

Well that ain't workin'.

All the excitement that had been building up to this week has disappeared and turned into full on anxiety. When did this become my life? I chatted with P3 about it yesterday during a climb and he laughed. He thinks I am a little obsessed with work. That I am this uber-ambitious person who needs to chill the fuck out.

So? What is wrong with that?

Sorry, tangent.

It is 6 AM. I woke up WAY before my alarm this morning because I just couldn't sleep. My heart is racing, my head is busy and sleep is just not an option at this point.

Sucks, because I was really tired.

Musical brilliance

A co-worker sent this around today.

I think it's blog-worthy:

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

I was a bad friend.

I usually consider myself a really good friend. I am there when people need me, willing to give a helping hand, always up for a fight if need be (preferably verbal, but physical if it is called for), but this past weekend I was a bad friend and feel horrible for it.

You see, I ran away when someone I care about needed me. I showed him that I don’t have his back and that he can’t rely on me when times get tough.

And this is horribly out of character for me. I will fight tooth and nail for a friend. I will stand by them when the going gets tough. But this time, rather than doing something that comes so naturally to me, I just left. I left him in the lurch and I feel horrible for it.

HORRIBLE!

I don’t know how to make it up to him, to show him that my actions are in no way indicative of how much I care about him. I take my friendships seriously, and for me to leave him with the impression that I don’t is really upsetting me.

Like a lot.

I have apologized, but I know that may not be enough. This one hurt him a lot and I hate knowing that I caused someone I care about any sort of pain.

Ugh, worst Monday ever.

This makes me sad

Ok, so we all know about the American election. On a night where history was made for all the right reasons, California was making history for all the wrong reasons.

You see, on that night, the State of California NARROWLY said yes to Proposition 8, essentially taking away the rights of gays and lesbians to marry.

Now, I get this is a divisive issue. I get that. What I don't get is why. What does it matter to the religious right if gays get married? Does it really have any impact on the state of your marriage? I mean, let's not lie, the divorce rate isn't going to soar because a couple of gays got hitched.

I just don't get it. What does it matter?! I truly believe that if Jesus were alive today, he would be preaching the ideas of tolerance and acceptance, not hate and divisiveness. I mean, wasn't the guy all about love? And acceptance? And understanding?

I was truly moved by this commentary by Keith Olbermann from MSNBC. I have some gay friends and the idea that they cannot share their love in the same way as I can, well, I don't like that idea and am thankful I live in Canada and not the US.



Watch it. It is only 6 minutes of your time that might give you some food for thought - rather than just blinding following, think about the reality of your choices. Think about what they really mean and who they really affect.

I had fun

So like I mentioned previously, I am making friends in Vancouver. Sure, most of them are from Edmonton, but I have met a couple of really cool Vancouver-ites.

Friday night, one of these cool Vancouver-ites told me about a show his band, The Painted Birds were doing show as part of the Nearly Famous Music Festival. I hadn't seen him play live and well, you all know how much I enjoy live music. So, Priscilla, Sarin and I put on our best, 'we're cool too' outfits and went to check out the show.

I had never seen a friend perform live before. Other than Jarod's Ukranian dancing, I had never seen the transformation of a person into a rockstar. That alone was reason enough to go. Josh was great and it was really cool to see him morph into this star, groupies and all.

Not only that, but when he came to chat during an acoustic break, I felt pretty cool. I mean, he is with the band! heh.

Saturday was enjoyable. Went to a great Thai resto with Nikki. Cheap and good, what more can you ask for? And then went to hang with P3 and Sia. It was good to see P3, but especially great seeing Sia.

I never really got what was so great about having a dog - that was until Sia walked into my life. But that is enough for a whole other post, so I will save it.

So, yeah. Vancouver. You aren't ALL bad.

A little lost

I had gotten into this lovely routine here in this miserable city.

I had a friend at work that I REALLY liked and not just in that co-worker sorta way. Climbing all the time and had developed this lovely relationship with P3 (yes, the ex. I don't want to hear it)

Well all of a sudden, that has all changed. Well, temporarily at least.

You see, my friend at work found a really great job. Like a REALLY great job, one that I cannot even begrudge her a little for taking. So fine, one down. FINE.

P3 decided a few weeks ago that he was going on a roadtrip and taking my puppy love with him. I mean, I can deal with one leaving, but both of them?! What?!

And now, I have been all ... shy when I am bouldering. I don't really get it, I have bouldered by myself a bunch - and every time I am ok. Nerves in check and I actually do quite well, but not lately. The past few times, I haven't been able to even do routes that I normally do. How messed up is that?! Ugh.

So, I go, by myself and suck. Like really suck. I hate sucking at anything. In general, I just don't do things that I am not good at. But this too shall pass.

At least I hope.

Plans?

YES! Actually I do have plans this weekend and I am very excited for them.

My friend's husband has organized a pubcrawl for his birthday. I have never been on a pubcrawl before and I really thought I would never go on one. I mean, really, my time has passed. But this one is going to be people of my own age group, so it should make for a good time.

I have no idea where we are going or what we are doing, but at 7PM tonight, I am getting on a bus and heading to god-knows-where to drink excessively.

I feel like a girl of just 25 again!

I got really high

So I have taken to rock climbing.

Taken to it in a way I never thought I would take to any sort of physical activity. I HATE physical activity. A lot. I don't like the gym. I think running is stupid. And everything else has just seemed 'meh' to me.

I tried rock climbing for the first time in April. I really liked it. The first time I got up that wall and finished a route - well, I was hooked. Even in the busy climbing gym, the only thing I could think about was the problem in front of me.

I have mentioned several times how I have a busy head. Usually, I have few moments of nothingness. And when I do, they are often fleeting. But not when I climb.

When I climb, the only thing I can think about is the next hand-hold and my foot placement. Am I using my arms too much? How do I have to position myself to make finish this one? These are the only things that can go through my head. Otherwise, I fall. And no one likes to fall.

So yeah, I go three or four times a week now. Three hours usually at a time. And I boulder too. Bouldering (for those of you who don't know) is when you climb about three metres up without rope. There are huge crash pads beneath you, so there is no worry of injury. I hope.

I have even gone outside. Which is fucking incredible. These are from my very first outdoor climb. Right on the ocean - how amazing is that!?

Me climbing












The view from Lighthouse Park (West Vancouver)









Me freaking out before my first climb.












So yeah, I love something that isn't shoes or work or bad for me. And it is sofa king granola!

And the big deal is?

I have been single for the majority of my adult life. Save for one lovely relationship, from 18 - 27, I have been single. And I don't think there is anything wrong with me or that.

I date. I get out there and I date. And I can say from experience, for the mostpart, dating sucks.

Awkward meetings, bad restaurant choices, poor conversation, on occassion, prayer - what about this sounds like a pleasant experience?

Granted, there are exceptions. Those first dates that keep getting extended, where the conversation is so good and the beer is so tasting that you think, this dude is totally something special.

But those are few and far between. Believe me. So why on Earth do I want to date more?

Where does this come from, you ask? I am sick of seeing these Lavalife ads. 'Don't be alone'. Ugh.

Shut the fuck up. And it is always a girl in the picture. Like they are holding your love in the palm of their hand.

Ugh. So yes, that is the lesson of the day: Dating is the worst thing ever. Most of the time.

Seriously?

Has it really been a year? A YEAR since I moved out to Vancouver!

Yes, it has. It seems like yesterday I was driving out here with P3 and here I am a year later and none the wiser.

No that isn't true. I have learned a lot this past year. Learned to stand on my own two feet, with no one around but my thoughts and fears and all that ick stuff.

While I still think Vancouver is bullshit, I am starting to form a bit of a life out here. It is nice and it is weird, all at the same time. This isn't my home, but it is where I live.

My life here, while fulfilling, is fairly uneventful. I cannot compare it to New York, because, well, that was a fantasy life, full of fun and excitement and new adventures and boys. But here, I am doing things I have never done, falling in love with things that I never expected and finding out how to be me in this wretched city.

It's starting to rain again. Here we go again. Let the suicide attempts start.

Do you realize?

Eleven Years is a Long Time.

There are some moments in your life you will never forgot. Your first kiss, your first job interview, winning your first award, being published for the first time, you get the drift.

There are other moments though you remember for all the wrong reasons. They catch you off-guard and throw your life into a tailspin. A moment that you will forever be able to revisit by just closing your eyes, the steps you took, the feelings you had, the reaction you gave and then everything else just blurs.

My favorite cousin died 11 years ago. All because of a motorcycle accident, this man was taken away from his friends and family far too soon. Far too soon.

He was funny and smart and kind and had this ability to make you feel so special, even if you weren’t. He was adventurous and outgoing and playful and I doubt you will find anyone out there to say a bad word about him. He was someone you could look up to and admire, without ever feeling lame for actually admiring someone.

And after going down a few steps and sitting down with my dad, he was taken away from me. Forever. Well, he had been taken away from me a couple of days earlier, I just didn’t know about it. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss. And while I can vividly remember the moment leading up to my dad talking to me and the talk my dad had with me and a few moments immediately after, the rest it is all a blur, with random memories here and there; things that gave me some sort of comfort and other things that proved to be no solace at all.

I think about him all the time, obviously, more so today. The upsetting thing is, I cannot remember his voice. I remember what he looks like and moments we spent together, but I was only 16 and didn’t know that I needed to remember what his voice sounded like. You never realize that you NEED to remember these things, that moments you never thought would matter, really do when you can’t have them anymore.

You never realize that the people you love won’t always be around. That one day, you will be calling their family to say, I am thinking about them today. But in reality, you think about them all the time. At the top of a climb and the beautiful view, I think, fuck Hugh would have loved this.

So, yeah, today sucks. I has since 1997 and it will every year until the day I die. All because of one fucking moment, one little fucking second, so many years ago.

Worst day ever.

What is the matter with you?

Have you ever wondered that? I wonder it all the time.

Why are you so fucked up? Why can't you just pull it together and enjoy life again? Why not?

It has been a year. A year since my life was great. I was sorta working again, I had just been published twice and I was in love. So very much in love.

I had this man in my life that proved he was worth it. Proved that he was willing to offer more than any other before. Proved that not all men suck. That not all men are going to dick you around and leave you when things get a little tough.

Then, a year later, he went and proved me right ... all men are going to dick you around and leave you when things get a little tough.

Granted, there were definitely more cons on his list than pros. That much I am sure of. I had warped into this person that I never was before. A person I barely recognized as myself. I mean, it sounded like me, it looked like me, it did things that I would do, but it wasn't me.

And it hasn't been me for a while. A really long while.

You see, in mid-July, my life shifted. It shifted in a way I have been unable to grapple with. All of a sudden, my life was out of my control. Things were happening to me and my body that were totally out of my control.

I didn't want to be me, so why would anyone want to be with me?

It would have been too much for anyone, so I can hardly blame him for walking away. I have just become too much to deal with, even for myself.

And my poor friends. God, can only imagine how many of them would LOVE to turn and walk away from me, but, unfortunately for them, I know every possible way of contacting them, so they can't. Heh. Sucks for them.

So yeah, I wonder all the time, what is the matter with me? I know, I just don't know how to fix it. I guess that is the part that separates the crazies from the normals ... knowing how to fix what is wrong with you.

Dudes weekend

Smelly Paul came to visit for five days.

I have never been so excited for someone to visit (at least not for someone I would not be doing dirty things with) before. See, I really thought that no matter where I lived, I would not see SP. So when he was able to find a conference out here, well, I peed a little.

He landed Friday night. I picked up, met with some friends, grabbed cheap Indian takeout and came back to my place. The weather sucked and SP and I have never been the type to go out, so we cracked open Settlers of Catan and played the night away.

Saturday, we made, what felt like, a trek to mecca. Met some friends and enjoyed a beautiful Vancouver day. Walked around downtown, then met up with Aaron and his wife and returned to my apartment. We made plans to go out, but that never materialized. P3 came over and it was another night of Catan.

Sunday was spent walking the city. We found what is supposed to be one of the best seafood joints in Vancouver, a fish shack. Then took the water taxi to Yaletown, walked to English Bay, tried to go to North Van on the SeaBus, but JUST missed it.

See, the thing about a weekend like this, is that while we did a lot. We didn't really do a lot. Most of the time was doing what we love best and well, that is nothing.

He thinks his wife would really like it here, so there is hopes of a move if you ask me.

Has it been that long?

I just realized that I haven't posted in over a month. How ridiculous is that?? So here is the first of a few, just for a brief catch-up.

I have been so fucking busy. Like stupid busy.

I have been rock climbing. I really like it so far, although with my fickle nature, that will likely change in no time.

I have been so tired. Drinking coffee tired. I hate coffee. The taste, the caffeine, nothing about coffee appeals to me. But here I am, drinking a cup the second I get into work. What is that?!

I am in love with my new apartment. I think it is pretty great. Now all I need is a maid and everything would be great.

So there it is, the quick and dirty catch-up of my not-so-fabulous-life.

I was NOT expecting that

So, Steve and I went to breakfast Sunday morning. Then we went to the aquarium and then Steve cooked me dinner. (Have I mentioned how much I love Steve)

Then it was off to the show.

The concert was The Avett Brothers.

Fuck was it good. And not what I was expecting.

I have to admit, the only cd I had of theirs is their latest one. I think it is pretty great, alt-country, folksy, just really good. But, I didn't know a TON about them live.

Well they were energetic, enthusiastic, up-tempo, just AWESOME.

I haven't been that surprised and excited about a show since The Constantines.

Plus, the lead singer was hot. Like seriously hot.

Ok, it's pretty

Sure it's pretty. I will give Vancouver that. It is a very pretty city - mountains, beaches, flowers - and that might be able to save it during the summer.

The biggest reason I came to this startling realization is because of Steve. Yes, of Jarod and Steve.

Steve came down for a concert (see the next post) and Jarod was at a conference, so it was Steve and I for the weekend.

He came in early (like 7:40AM early) on Saturday. The weather was fucking beautiful. Like blue skies, sun shining beautiful. We went for breakfast to Sophie's Cosmic Cafe. (Steve's dog's name is Sophie, so he got quite the kick out of it) And then we walked.

We walked from my apartment (Kits) to Granville Island. Took the water taxi to Yaletown, walked from Yaletown around English Bay and then to my work.

I have always said, to see a city you have to walk it. Driving just won't do. That is why I think I could never like LA. Gah. LA. Of course a city full of vapid narcissts would be a driving city.

Tangent - sorry.

But yes, walking gives Vancouver a whole new ... something.

Also, did I mention I am like four blocks from the beach?

My girl likes to party all the time

I do. I know I pretend that I don't, but I love a good party. Few things get your energy out like a great party and Ron gave me the perfect excuse to do just that, party.

Ron's flight was VERY early Saturday morning, so we decided that an all-nighter was the only acceptable way to handle a flight that early.

We went to the Cambie. So, it is this hostel that has a bar in it. The people are totally chill, they have picnic benches instead of tables, so you sit and people join you. It was me, Ron, Nancy (Ron's friend) and P3.

After the four of us chugged five pitchers of beer, Ron, P3 and I headed to Gorgomish, an after hours club.

Now, I have only been to one real after hours club and boy was it sketch. This one, however, was not sketch at all. Super nice actually, I wasn't even scared of the bathrooms.

We stayed there until 5:30AM, danced our asses off, I cock-blocked Ron and just had a really fun time. I had forgotten that I could have fun like that late into the morning. It was great.

The music was ok, nothing to write home about, but it served it's purpose.

Poor Ron though. Dude had to get on the plane still energized from the party that night. I don't know how he did it. He is a better man than I.

So, I have to thank Ronald J. Atcheson for a great week. He was a great distraction from the things that I hate about my life right now and helped me focus on the fun that is possible. Gotta love that.

Let's go Oilers!

First of all, a big word of thanks to Nikki for inviting me to my first hockey game of the season on Thursday. The topper on this hockey sundae, is the fact that it was the last game for your Edmonton Oilers.

AND it was a pivotal game for the Canucks. They were fighting for a playoff berth and well, the Oil ruined that hope.

The game was great. I was drunk, beligerent and getting a ton of dirty looks. And I loved it. I got out a ton of my aggression that has built up for the past little while.

Awesome.

Oh, and the Oilers won. They eliminated the Canucks and I got to flex the knowledge I have gained from Smelly Paul. I knew being friends with him would pay off eventually.

But yes, so much freaking fun. I think I might actually buy tickets to Oilers games next year.

What is it about being in a different city that inspires civic pride in me?

Could this be home?

Ok, so I moved into a new apartment yesterday. I kinda took it out of frustration from finding a place, I liked it and it was in my budget - the upper limits, but there is no need to talk about that - and it was in a GREAT location.

But today was the day I got my shit. All of the shit I had accumulated in Edmonton finally arrived, Ron, mom and I set it all up and suddenly it feels like I have a home.

I have missed this feeling. For the first time in months I am sleeping in MY bed. Yes, the beautiful cloud I have for a bed has returned. Even just writing this post in it feels great.

I really hope this makes things better out here. God do I hope. I mean, things couldn't have felt much worse for me, so ... it makes sense to reason that this would only help the mood and funk that I have been in as of late.

I am also really glad Ron is here.

An outlet for the lack of friends I have is always, ALWAYS welcome.

I kinda just want to start being me again. The person that likes her life and likes the things that she does and like the people she sees and likes the things that make even the most mundane things fun.

I like that person. A lot.

Stupid, fucking cherry blossom trees

Everyone here is so excited about the fucking cherry blossom trees blooming. "Oh, the streets look so beautiful! They look like cotton candy!"

Barf

o

rama

Like, seriously? Seriously? This is what this city gets so excited for?

Seriously.

And the cherry on top of this whole thing (pun absolutely intended)

The trees don't even make cherries!

So, what is the point of them?? To dress this city up? Because just like the cherry blossom trees, this city is pretty, but what is the real purpose?

Gah. I am sorry, I am just so fucking sick and tired of these cherry blossom trees - if you can even call them that.

I'm So Ronery

Where the fuck do you make friends? I mean, for someone my age, it is next to impossible.

I have been struggling with this one for a while now. I have a brilliant circle of friends in Edmonton. Fun, smart, witty, hilarious and they are all mine. But here, I have nothing. I mean, I have a couple of friends, but nothing / no one that really compares to the quantity and quality of friends in Edmonton.

So where do you meet people? I am no longer a club-goer. I just don’t have the energy. And at my age, people already have a pretty stable group of friends and likely aren’t taking applications. I wouldn’t be if I was them. Friends are a lot of work. You have to make time for them, take their feelings into consideration and do all of this on a consistent enough basis, that it slowly builds a friendship.

For me, I would rather stay at home and work than go out there and try to meet people. How annoying are people and why should I want to spend time with them? I can barely tolerate myself most days and then I am expected to open up my world to new and annoying people I can’t tell to shut up? Seems a little … unappealing.

I suppose I shall just throw myself into my work and try to be as competent as possible. Boy, am I glad I live here.

No I’m not.

What an idiot!

I often think I am. And this likely ties into my social anxiety and busy head issues, but when I am an idiot or I THINK I am an idiot, I obsess about it. For days, weeks, months, fuck, there are somethings I did years ago that I still obsess over.

Have you ever read a situation so wrong you wonder if you can read at all? It happens to me all the time and it sucks.

You think one thing and then BLAMO you are hit with the hard truth. You were wrong. So wrong, for so long.

It is brutal, it makes my heart sink to the pit of my stomach, but continues to race at a million miles a minute, makes me smoke like a mofo and it renders me unable to move (except to go to the balcony and smoke like a million times a day).

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I hate this feeling. I wish it never happened to me. I wish I could just be fooled for the rest of my life, living in my happy little bubble.

Why is it, the older we get, the less capable we become of dealing with stuff? Is it because we are more aware of the consequences?

Gah.

Have I mentioned I hate being a grown up?

I have a problem

Well, I have many, but just one of them is ...

I have a really busy head. It is enough to send a girl over the edge. Especially when that busy head takes over at 3 AM and doesn't let you get back to bed.

Hello! I like to sleep.

Jerk.

People think I am crazy. Jarod has often mentioned how he just doesn't get it. Well it is easy to not get when you don't have a thought!

Sorry, that was way harsh. I am just so tired. I was a zombie at work today, after 3PM, I was ready to crawl to the bus stop and go home. I am pretty sure my mind did.

Oh, but I am getting really excited to move into a permanent (at least more permanent) place than this. I am going to decorate like a mofo. I can't wait.

Also, I think I might be the lamest person in Vancouver. I mean, Vancouver is supposed to be cool, PR is a cool, sexy profession, but Friday and Saturday nights, I did nothing. Like absolutely nothing. How sad is that? Gah. I don't even want to talk about it.

It is 8:15PM, I am going to bed.

Pooped

I am so freaking tired. I don't think I have ever been more exhausted in my life. All of a sudden, my work is all-consuming.

And I love it.

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

Even the really stressful stuff is exhilarating. I am excited to go to work every day, I love my coworkers and I have a fun time at work. We work when we have to and laugh when we can. It is a perfect work environment for me.

Each and every day, my wait to take the perfect job becomes more and more vindicated. I was right.

This is totally worth it.

Is it ready?

That is all I heard today. Is it ready?

No. It isn't.

Why?

Because it takes time, time I didn't have.

Gah.

I went through the day on toast, two cups of coffee and NO cigarettes! Can you imagine??

As a reward, I happily enjoyed a two cheeseburger meal from McD's. Mmm ... McDonald's.

This is what I love about work though. The rush I get from it. Although for the first time, I really noticed my body giving up on me.

Stupid body.

Turn Around

Sometimes you just need to take 10 steps to get perspective.

Sometimes you need the space to see what you have lost, sometimes to see what you have gained, sometimes both - either way, a little room can make a world of difference.

When I got thrown out of New York, I thought I was losing the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

When I moved to Vancouver, I thought, fuck, this is going to suck.

But the thing is - it would have taken me years to get the kind of work experiences I am getting here if I was in New York. My social life would have been amazing, but Vancouver is far better for my career.

That doesn't mean I like this city though.

I don't.

It was a great work day today and I thought to myself, 'this rocks'. And it was things that I just wouldn't have had access to in New York.

So that was the theme of my day, therefore, it is the theme of this post.

So simple.

The littlest hobo

First of all, it was my favorite tv show as a kid. My mom used to let me watch it, but at the end of every episode I used to cry my eyes out because the poor dog wouldn't stay.

Now I am the one that doesn't stay. Anywhere. Ever.

In the past two years, I have gone through a move five times, soon to be six times.

And fuck is it getting annoying. I just want somewhere I can put my shoes down for longer than a few months. It is an exhausting process, moving.

Find an apartment, pay deposit and first month's rent, pack your shit, move your shit, unpack your shit, organize your shit, fall over and die.

That is what it feels like to me.

Melodramatic much? Yes.

So?

I am 27 freaking years old, shouldn't I be more stable than this??

heh. Guess not.

What do you do on your spare time?

Lately, nothing. Because I have no spare time.

My time is spent between work, some freelancing stuff I am working on and sleep. And I haven't been getting much sleep.

I love being busy though. It keeps me from eating and getting fat.

Also, I have started another blog. It won't replace this one. What the fuck is Iris listening to? was the brain-child of my cubicle-mate. He is a music junkie and in jest, mentioned how he was going to bring in a new cd for me every week and then we could start a blog about it. Kinda my uneducated, unbiased thoughts on the cds he brings in.

So I did it. And I am going to use this Meh for free publicity.

Oh, and the weather in Vancouver is improving. I have taken Sia to the beach for the past few weekends. Throw the ball, hang out in the sun and hang out with one of my favorite creatures. Good times.

Don't get me wrong though, I still think Vancouver sucks.

Goodbye dear friends

Have you ever loved something so much, you got sad at even the thought of it not being around in the future?

Has this thing ever been a pair of shoes.

I know what you are thinking 'Again with the shoes?'.

But these shoes were perfect. I bought them several (I am thinking like six) years ago from Gravity Pope. The have been through some of the best times of my life with me. My first trip to NYC, every vacation, great dates, not so great dates, my broken ankle (I actually broke my ankle in them, thanks, of course, to Jarod) and countless other memories.

If you have ever met me, you have seen them. I have been in them constantly. They are the perfect pair of white and black Reebok slip-ons. (I hate laces)

These shoes have been inching closer towards death for the past little while now. I have resisted buying replacements because I just want to wear these for as long as possible. They don't make the style anymore and all other styles pale in comparason.

Well, I finally did it. I broke down and bought a new pair of Adidas. The are close, but not nearly as cool.

I would like to take a moment to mourn the loss of a pair of dear friends. But, as long as there is breath in these lungs, I promise you, I will search for a shoe repair store I trust enough to bring you back. Back to the point the kids in Brooklyn were commenting on how cool my kicks were.

I PROMISE!


R.I.P.
Reeboks
2002 - 2008

I think I am addicted to speed

No seriously, but not the drug-kind.

I went speed dating last night. I have always wanted to do it, so I dragged my friend Nikki with me and we went. Neither of us was expecting anything. Neither of us thought we would have any yesses and all we were expecting was a couple of horror stories to tell our friends.

Well, that was probably the most fun I have had in a really long time.

It was held at this nice pub on Granville. It was totally chaotic in the beginning, due to a lack of planning on the part of the organizers (I kept on thinking, why didn't you do a SWOT analysis of this?!). But the night ended up being fun.

I am sure I have mentioned this before, I have severe social anxiety. I can't do large groups, I am quiet, which comes off as snobby and I just end up sitting by myself. This was perfect though. I didn't have enough time to get nervous and I found the cuter guys (as per usual) ended up being duds. Now, granted, I was no where near being sober. I wasn't fall-off-my-chair drunk, but I definitely wasn't work-sober.

The first few were tough and I wish I could take back one yes, but it was my second date of the night and the first one was not my type. But as the night progressed, it got way easier. There was only one date that was truly painful and I was counting down the three-minutes, but the rest of them were tolerable.

And, it is amazing how much I swear after a few drinks. Like the filter comes totally off. I curse like a sailor at times and it is really polarizing. Either the guy was totally turned on by it or so put off that I could see it on their face.

Fuck was that a fun night.

I would happily do it again. Easily the most fun I have had in Vancouver in forever.

Good Times.

Ugh

I feel betrayed by my body. I feel as though I don't know who's it is anymore. This isn't mine. It can't be. My body wouldn't do things like this to me.

I mean, sure I abuse it, but no more than anyone else really.

So what is the deal? How did it come to this? Why has it decided that functioning in a normal way is no longer it's bag? And why do I have to deal with it? Shouldn't I just be going out and getting drunk and messed up like everyone else? Not obsessing about things that are WAY beyond my understanding.

Not only that, but why do I have to try and make people feel better? When I was in hospital, I felt like that was my job - to ensure everyone else was ok. That they didn't think it was a big deal.

It was and still is a big deal. For me at least.

I know, I know. Poor Iris. Life is so hard.

Well sometimes it is.

And I feel like the one person I was able to lean on, able to confide in, able to talk to in an honest way, without judgement or fear that they may walk out, has done just that, walked out.

On top of all of that, I am stuck in a city where I don't really trust anyone. At least not in the same way I trust the people who have been there since day one. People who's doorstep I can show up on with no questions asked, with them just offering a couch and an ear.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Nope, still here. That sucks.

If I could erase last year, I would. Fully, completely, gone. No thoughts of it, no recollection. Just wiped out.

I would be ok with that. I would even give up the good shit to have last year not happen.

Anyone got a Delorean?

Maybe it's an inner-ear thing

Most people would agree, a balance is necessary in every aspect of your life. I have believd this for a while, too much of anything is a bad thing.

Well, I have very little balance lately and I am totally sober ... most of the time.

You see, I have two really great aspects of my life, amazing friends and a killer job. It just so happens that they don't exist in the same city. So I figure I will overload with work whilst in Vancouver and overload on friends when I get to go to Edmonton.

I just got back from the City of Champions and again, it did not disappoint. I got to see everyone, got to chat with everyone and I was reminded that social interactions don't always have to be awkward and unsettling, they can actually be comforting and relaxed.

And again, it was a little disappointing to return to Vancouver, but what can you do??

Quit playing games with me

I hate these games, but unfortunately, I have nothing blog-worthy to type, so here it goes:

I'm it Eve decided to tag me so here goes, I have time to do this today thanks to the fact that I am sick and feel like ass.

THE "RULES":Link to the person who tagged you. Post the rules on your blog. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Here are the 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about myself...

1. I love sports. In like a 'guy' way. During football season, my Sundays consist of: waking up, turning on SportsCentre, having breakfast (optional) and drinking beer. And this is how my WHOLE day shapes up. It is the same with tennis and now a lesser degree basketball. Baseball isn't a sport, so I don't watch it.

2. I love shopping, but hate malls. They are over-crowded, child-infested madhouses. I don't know how people work in them or why anyone would choose to go to them. They are gross, but I am a sucker for the cheap mall Chinese, you know, the 6 items for $3.99. Even though it gives me gut rot every time. Will I ever learn?!

3. My favorite meals are Swiss Chalet and sushi. I could eat them alternately every day of the week. Mmm ... the sauce at SC is like the nectar of the gods. I know I am not alone with the sushi thing, so there is no need to explain.

4. I am a bit of a loner. I go through phases where I don't want any kind of social activity (I am going through one right now). I am not depressed, but I just don't want to be social. My friends have learned to work with me on this one, but new friends don't necessarily get it. Nine out of ten times, I would rather be alone. It has nothing to do with you, just that I don't feel like putting the effort into getting dressed and everything else that entails. I am exhausted just thinking about it.

5. I don't use hair conditioner. Not even leave-in anymore. I don't need it. My hairdressers have yelled at me ad nauseum for this one, but I don't want to wash my hair every day and if I use conditioner, I have to. It just ain't worth it.

6. I am a clothing / shoe whore. I realized it when I moved into this tiny little apartment, but I have a LOT of clothes / shoes. I don't know how I amassed this huge collection, but I have and I love each and every piece. I tend to buy stuff that will never go out of style, I still have sweaters from when I was 17 that I am still wearing. I also have an affinity for expensive clothes, which may be why I can't afford to live right now ... correlation? I think so.

Ok, there you go, something to tie the blog over for the weekend. It gets lonely sometimes.

Inspiration

It comes in weird places. Sometimes it is an incredible quote. Sometimes it is a stupid comedy. (Who hasn't wanted to blue themselves?)

You just never know.

Well, the inspiration for this post came from my friend Tej. He recently fulfilled a dream of his by traveling to Green Bay, Wisconsin and seeing his non-homosexual dream man, Brett Favre, play in a playoff game, at Lambeau.

I have been lacking inspiration lately. I think the end of my relationship has left me a little ... off.

So, this is my attempt at getting inspired. Here, for your reading pleasure (browse away now)

My Big 5
(in no particular order)

New York

Let's not lie. Its no secret. I heart NY. Everything about it is perfect in my mind. EVERYTHING. I would give almost anything to live there and everything I do is to best position myself to get there. A bit of an obsession? Yes. P3 once said he hated the way I would talk about NY because it was like I was talking about an ex that broke my heart, but I am still pining over. NY, I am still pining.


Write a TV Show

God do I think this would be great. I have thrown ideas around with friends, but nothing near serious discussions. How great would that be?! 'Oh, what do you do for a living?' 'Well, I write a TV show'. AWESOME.


Write a Book

This would be fantastic. To put that much dedication, that much of yourself, that much of your life, into something (anything) would make life worth it. Long after you are dead, you are still alive. Isn't that what humanity strives for?


Go to Africa

More than anywhere else on the planet, Africa is where I want to go. The whole continent. While I am there, however, I would have to swim with the sharks in South Africa. The 'Holy fuck' feeling that must go through your body must be incredible.


Spend a Year in Dubai

Hi, they built an island that looks like the globe. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to live in a society where that kind of opulence is commonplace, whoa. I am pretty sure I would only do it for a year, but how incredible would it be? (Not to mention, I hear you can make a KILLING!)


This list is small, but I can't share EVERYTHING with the web. Somethings are just too personal.

Heh.

Ok, so birthdays, a HUGE deal for me. I love them, they are the only day devoted solely to you. I don't really care who else shares the day with, it is still yours.

This is the first year since my 19th that I haven't had a big party (invitations and all). Why am I not having a big party you ask? Well, who the hell would I invite?

It is a little sad to me that for the past two years, my birthdays have been a little tainted. Last year, because of NY and this year for a mountain of reasons. I don't have my friends, I don't have Paul, I don't have a permanent home. AWESOME.

The only thing I do have is my job, which I have mentioned several times I LOVE. I swear, if it wasn't for my job, I would be in Edmonton. So, at least I have my job, the one shining light in my life ... ok, I want a new life.

So there it is. My sad little birthday post. It is 8:30PM and I am going to bed. Can we just skip to Friday?

Social Hangover

I have coined a new phrase, or at least I am trying to.

I am suffering from a social hangover right now. I have had people visiting me since January 1st. I haven't spent more than 24 hours by myself since bringing in the new year. And now I am alone.

And it kinda sucks.

I miss having someone to come home to. I REALLY miss it in fact. When I was living with P3, I would come home and have someone to hang with. It was nice. With visitors, you plan and keep busy.

But now it is just me and it is cold and rainy and miserable and I don't want to do anything but sleep and watch tv.

Also, for the past little while, I have wondered if I hate Vancouver because it isn't Edmonton or New York. And no, it isn't just because of that. I hate Vancouver because I do. It doesn't have the benefits of New York or Edmonton. New York was dynamic enough that I never was actually alone, there were constantly millions of people moving and doing stuff that I never felt alone. In Edmonton, I never had to be alone, I had a ton of people to ensure my days and nights were exactly what I wanted them to be.

So now I am socially hungover, missing the social-ness of having people around and literally not wanting to get out of bed. Does anyone know a rich man, preferably of an older age so they appreciate me, who is willing to 'keep' a woman? No, seriously, anyone?

Gay for Jarod

Well, not really. But he is pretty fun.

Jarod came for a visit this weekend. The thing with Jarod is that he is ... whatever. Literally, "Jarod, do you want to ...?" Jarod:"Whatever"

He is up for anything and if it sucks, he will inform you. Happily.

He got in Thursday night, we went for dinner, late. We only ate at like 10PM. Dinner was really good. Mashed potato spring rolls, proscuitto pizza ... MMMMM. Not healthy, but so good. The place was called Lickerish. Really good. Then we came back here and proceeded to play Wii until 2 AM. And I had to work the next day.

The next day was torture. I was horribly tired and it was my busiest day at work yet. I didn't even have the chance to properly Facebook. Hi, busy. But Jarod met me for lunch, picked me up and chilled out for a bit. We went to a Japanese tapas restaurant by my place. Again, really good. Super ineresting dishes and sushi. What more could you want?

After dinner, we had tickets to check out Mark Farina at the Commodore. He was really good. Some danceable, not too hyper, house music. I got to dance my little butt off and watch Jarod shake his ass.

Saturday was going to be an adventure. Jarod found out that Harrison Hot Springs is close to Vancouver, so off we went at a ridiculously early time. The drive was like Lord of the Rings, all misty mountain hoppy.

When we get to Harrison, we find the resort, assuming you can buy a day pass and hang-out. Oh no. You have to have a service at the spa, and the only one she had available was a 25-minute massage for $60. We passed and decided to go for the cheap, public version.

Now, I don't really get hot springs. They end up being like hot pools, especially when they are indoors - which the public one was. It was a little low brow, but then again, so are Jarod and I. But it was fun to get a little randomness in, with a person who might actually be more random than me. Weird.

Any more visitors? Smelly? Harp? Eve? ANYONE???

All Apologies

My memory is not perfect. I do too many things to kill brain cells to have a perfect memory.

My year in review was difficult, solely because I had to try and remember everything in the year and while I think I did a decent job, there was one GLARING exception in the month of August.

I have mentioned Smelly Paul on this blog several times. There are not enough words to properly explain what Smelly means to me. He has been my best dood for more than 10 years now and has fed my co-dependency (in a way caused it), he has been my friend and a confidante. If he threw a party, invited everyone he knew, he would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, "Thank you for being a friend".

I digress, after years of thinking that no woman would put up with Paul, in August he made it so poor Michelle is now legally obligated to put up with him. In August, Paul got married.

The wedding was like a Concordia reunion. Kai, Ally, Andrew, Nadine, me, oh, and Paul. There was a lot of drinking, not a ton of dancing (I was TRAPPED outside, rehashing the past - always fun).

For the wedding, Paul and Michelle chose Crowsnest Pass. I had never actually HEARD of CNP, but it is really pretty and the wedding was a lot of fun, a little sad ... I think Paul and I had the "If we aren't married by the time we are XX then we will have a non-sexual marriage." Who am I going to have a non-sexual marriage with now??!!

But, with all of my ignorance, I neglected to mention Paul's wedding during my Year in Review. My apologies Paul. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

Cruise on roadster

I love driving. Probably one of my favorite things to do is drive. I can do it for hours. And I love driving when I have company I can hang out with and have a nice conversation with.

Ally was this company for me today. We drove to Whistler, mainly to show her the most incredibly beautiful drive in the whole world. Gorgeous darling, just gorgeous.

So we drove this morning to Whistler, where it was snowing like a mofo. I think it snowed a foot while we had our lunch. It was a winter wonderland!

But yes, that is the post for the day. A drive to Whistler for the beautiful view and a good lunch and a lot of snow. It was a good day.