I often think I am. And this likely ties into my social anxiety and busy head issues, but when I am an idiot or I THINK I am an idiot, I obsess about it. For days, weeks, months, fuck, there are somethings I did years ago that I still obsess over.
Have you ever read a situation so wrong you wonder if you can read at all? It happens to me all the time and it sucks.
You think one thing and then BLAMO you are hit with the hard truth. You were wrong. So wrong, for so long.
It is brutal, it makes my heart sink to the pit of my stomach, but continues to race at a million miles a minute, makes me smoke like a mofo and it renders me unable to move (except to go to the balcony and smoke like a million times a day).
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I hate this feeling. I wish it never happened to me. I wish I could just be fooled for the rest of my life, living in my happy little bubble.
Why is it, the older we get, the less capable we become of dealing with stuff? Is it because we are more aware of the consequences?
Have I mentioned I hate being a grown up?