My whole life has been spent in Edmonton. Well not really, but the biggest chunk of it has been spent in this beautiful city. I have never had to say goodbye to anyone, I have always been the one being said goodbye to. There is a certain amount of comfort in this. You know that come the next day, you will be normal. It is the person getting on that plane that is going to be all screwed up. And you will be there to support them, but you know that your life is going to continue relatively unscathed.
I am no longer that person and I am hating it. I had my little party last night and it was so wonderful to see everyone and to hang with some peeps who know that I am chemically imbalanced and still like me (not sure if it is because of the imbalance or in spite of it). Good times had by all and thank you all for showing up to get rid of me. I appreciate it.
The end of the night came and what is this? I am having to say goodbye to people?? WTF!!! This is not what I signed up for! Sure I want to live in NY but I don’t want to LEAVE Edmonton. I FREAKING LOVE EDMONTON!! This isn’t cool!
And the thing that really sucks is that people always say “I will totally be coming to visit”, but you KNOW, you know that chances are, life will get in the way. Expenses arise and you can’t afford a plane ticket. It has happened to me. Eve has lived in Cali for so long and the last time I was out there was for her wedding. How messed up is that??
As I sit at this computer my heart is breaking. I am leaving these people that I LOVE. People that mean the world to me and have been the greatest support system any girl could ever hope for. And that could never be replaced or even come close to.
This past week has made me realize that I am giving up so much for this pipe dream of mine. Fridays sitting on a couch, drinking beer and going for random walks with Paul. Savoy with Anne and Brandy. Jarod and Steve cooking for me. Lisa’s post-party talks. Concerts with Lis. Just to name a few.
This sucks. Is this thing worth it? I suppose only time will tell. This is the thing. I am so excited to move but I can be really sad at the same time right?
To everyone that reads this blog. Thanks. It is flattering to know you are all willing to read my random thoughts and rants. It also helps to ensure you guys won’t be forgetting about me anytime soon, or I will totally kick your asses!