All reflective and shit.

At the end of 2009, the only thing I can think about is my relationships. Sadly, few were romantic, although cute boys played their parts, it was the platonics - in all shapes - that left the biggest impact on me.

From the complicated to the simple, from blood relatives to chosen family, from business to bizarro, the people in my life taught me the importance of friendship.

How they'll keep you afloat, when you're pretty sure you'd sink. And keep you sane, when you're in the middle of re-election for Mayor of Crazytown.

They taught me a million times over, that there is nothing better in the world than being loved, regardless of the type.

Apparently, not everyone in Vancouver sucks, thus my friend count grew. Considerably. So much so that I have a life here, and well, it is a nice life. Although I still occasionally ache for Edmonton. And that's ok.

This lesson was learned from loss as well. This year, the first boy I loved, decided that though we were long over romantically, our friendship wasn't working either. Our lives stopped intersecting and I realized how fragile some relationships are. And how temporary. So. Very. Temporary. I lost not only him, but my favorite thing about Vancouver.

I got the scare of my life when I thought I was going to lose my best friend. The one person I could trust, beyond a shadow of a doubt, taught me in a big way how to appreciate her, and wish we weren't so far apart. Sometimes.

Oh these friends of mine. From giving me a trip home for my birthday, to getting into endless amounts of trouble with me and well, making me feel like the luckiest chick in the world, these people are the best pieces of me, only to the nth degree.

And despite not finding romantic love this year, these relationships ensure I am never lacking for real love.

The tale of two lives

I live in Vancouver. I miss Edmonton all the time. Sometimes, like now, I miss it more than others.

You see, magically, I have been blessed with two really awesome lives. Two lives that I can live fairly regularly thanks to the magic of flight.

Vancouver and Edmonton served very different purposes when I first moved. The two didn't overlap, and I was ok with that.

But they are starting to overlap. Vancouver is starting to become a 'home' to me. A place that I don't hate and one that is gaining in the friend department. But it's still no Edmonton.

This week here has been fucking awesome. I have had enough time to see almost everyone and spend some time with them. And good god do I miss these people and this city.

I honestly feel so lucky - I didn't go out searching for the most awesome friends in the world, but somehow, I got them. No seriously, try to out friend me. I'll win. I promise.

I come to Edmo and these people not only want to see me, but they make my trip and my time here so freaking great. And they make me wonder, would my life be better in Edmonton?

But then there's The Couve. I really do have the best job in the world. One that fits me and I fit it. I don't discredit how rare it is to want to go to work everyday. I look forward to seeing my co-workers and whatever challenges the days may bring - and they are always different - believe me, I fully appreciate how lucky I am.

Like I said, Vancouver is definitely gaining in the friends department. For the first time, I am thinking about having an actual birthday party in Vancouver. Mainly because I have more than two people to hang out with.

I just kinda wish my job was in Edmo. Like a lot. Unlike others, I don't love Vancouver enough to wish everyone moved out there. But I do love Edmo enough to wish I could find as awesome a job here as I have in Van.

That would make life pretty freaking great.

Jussayin'

What the what?

My life is riddled with confusion - mainly centering around boys, but confusion nonetheless.

This latest confusion comes from across an ocean and several time zones away.

After Vegas, the one boy that was worth remembering and I became online buddies. We chatted, flirted, exchanged German pleasantries, it was nice.

Until I woke up one morning and he had disappeared.

DISAPPEARED.

The things is, all in all, I thought we had developed, at a minimum, a friendship that warranted more than a disappearing act. A 'Hey, that picture you have up is gross, I don't want to talk to you anymore." or a "Because we don't live in the same country, I am going to become a priest."

Anything really.

But that is the thing about random people - you have no idea about their real life. He may have been married or had a girlfriend or a murderer or so many other things.

And of course, while I know there is a rational explanation to it all, the first thing that popped into my head was, thoughts of his death. I had fears of being Miranda and losing a cute boy to death.

Ugh.

Yes, that is right. My name is Iris and I am perpetually perplexed by people with penises.

Reality Check

I like to think of myself as a fairly grounded person. Yes, I'm flighty and flaky and totally spastic, but underneath all of that, I try not to get genuinely excited for much. I kinda like balance, and have come to expect excitement to be followed by disappointment.

It's just the way it goes.

Today I got my hopes up. Today, I thought there was something that would ... alleviate most of my worries.

Today, I was sorely disappointed.

Reminder to self: Stay grounded in reality - for stability's sake.