Last year when I got back from Paris I spoke of the hope I found. The hope that someone out there is waiting for me. Someone great. This year, my vacation brought me a fine dose of reality.
I've been asked many times if I saw my Swiss friend, and the answer is yes, I did. But not how I was planning. But a brief moment of my vacation was spent with the coolest boy I have met in years.
This meeting was different though. He was still kind, affectionate, funny and ridiculously cute, but he had changed. And his attitude to whatever we are had changed.
No longer was he talking of visits to Canada or what those would be like, but now he spoke of how impossible this situation is. How hard it is to spend two or three days with someone and then miss them for a year. And how crazy life is.
It broke my heart to hear him talk about reality. To talk about the way life is, rather than how I wish it was.
I'm going on record and saying it sucks that I like a boy a million miles away. It super stinks that he's the first boy in years to grab and keep my attention. Not to mention totally lame that this situation has proven what a romantic I am at heart.
You see, I don't care about the impossibility of the situation. In fact, all I know is how rare it is to find someone you think is special. And everything in my being is trying to come up with ways to make him see exactly how rare it is.
I hate that he's awesome. I hate that I know how awesome he is. I hate that he doesn't live closer. I hate that he sees how unlikely this situation is. I hate that I refuse to let that stop me. I hate that I can't will this to happen.