I sit here this morning, writing this entry, drunk off my ass and in bed. Why do I confess this to you all? For the sole purpose of explaining why this entry is going to be a bit ... sadder than most.
I came home and went on that thing called Facebook. I did it solely b/c this super fun bellman at work was on it and well, once you get a ball rolling, you know what I am saying.
I think I have mentioned before how I only joined Facebook for the pics. Well these pics made me very sad.
What was I looking at?? Well it was pics of NYC this summer. These fun, incredible, goofy pics, that I have not looked at since my return to Edmonton. Mainly because they are still very sad for me to look at.
All the happiness which is usually repressed, out there for posterity's sake. The gum on the sidewalk, the weird sweat that only ever appears after 2 seconds of being on the train platform, the kinda of sexiness that only comes with having a smoke in NYC. I miss these things more than I realized. Almost more than words can express.
I know the thing that truly kills me about NYC is that it was in my hands. In fact I could taste it. Living in this city, that has been my dream for so long, was in the palm of my hands and yet unreachable.
Have I come to terms with it? Obviously not. I am sitting here doing a drunk post, at 6AM! No doubt I am still messed up about it. But I have moved on. Sure it sucks, but it could be worse. I could have really thin hair. That would totally be worse.
FYI, I think of this thing as my own little journal, so you guys are just going to have to deal with the drunk posts once and a while.