An Ah-Ha Moment

Today, my department participated in a co-branded digital conference with Google. Neat, right?

Google swag!

As I was listening to the first presentation, I looked around at the room, at the branding of the event, at the content we'd be covering and it hit me: I could never have done this in Vancouver.

I mean, I'm sure similar stuff happens in Vancouver, but here I sat, a part of one of the world's best airlines, listening to a president from one of the world's largest companies.

It's this kind of exposure that I gave up Vancouver for. It's this kind of experience that made me leave behind a life I was in love with. It's this kind of thing that makes all the emotional ups and downs worthwhile.

So while my life today looks nothing like my life a year ago, life is ok.

Representing Reputations

When I came to Vancouver five years ago, I had no social life. I had no life in general. Work was my life, and because I liked my work so much, it was a-ok with me.

You see, Reputations was the only outlet I had for normalcy. When I left the office, I either went home to a boyfriend who didn't really like me that much, or to an empty apartment. Seeing my co-workers was the highlight of my day, as sad as that sounds.

But the thing is, my work was pretty freaking cool. We worked on the coolest projects - how many people have worked with a top Olympic partner? Or organized a press conference in North America's first supervised injection site? Or worked for the world's largest retailer? Or helped Discovery Channel film segments for Daily Planet? Or had cocktail hour every Friday?

I did. BAM!

The off-beat nature of the company helped fuel my creativity and my connection with my bosses and co-workers gave me the 'family' I needed to not run away from Vancouver.

I can honestly say that Reputations gave me the most unique employee-boss relationships in the history of jobs. And because of Reputations I have been lucky enough to find mentors, friends, and a circle that kept me from feeling too alone.

To my bosses, I am forever grateful for the chance you took on me, and the faith you had in me. And though I didn't love all of my co-workers, I am grateful for most of them and for everything they taught me about public relations and Vancouver.

I'm sad to leave the best PR team in Vancouver (and I'm pretty sure the country), but I know that my new job wouldn't have been possible without Reputations.

Five days and counting.

Follow your gut

There are many phrases to describe it - instinct, intuition, hunch, sixth sense, suspicion - whatever it may be, it's real and you should not discount it.

For the past month I have been miserable. Crying before going to work, angry at life, bored for more than eight hours a day, with each passing day I realized I was ignoring my gut. This wasn't the right job for me.

At all.

The people were fantastic - funny, smart, talented, super nice, good to work with - which made my decision all the more difficult. But at the end of the day, life is too short to be miserable for 40 hours per week (at least).

The company's actions since my departure have made it evident: I made a good life choice by leaving.

So boys and girls, what did we learn through this? Trust your gut. Don't disregard your knowledge. Do what you know is best - life is too short to not.

Way too short.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Changes are afoot.

For the first time in four years, I will have a new job. It's a weird, scary thought - meeting new people, trying to win them over, learning new systems and processes, not having the comforts of the job that I've loved for so many years.

Yikes.

But at the end of the day, change is supposed to be good for the soul - or something like that.

Right?! RIGHT?!?

New job starts September 6, and before I begin, I'm running away. Amsterdam & Berlin, here I come!

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm all atwitter. Hopefully I don't ruin everything.

REPEAT: Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.

Flip Flopper

Every day seems to bring a new option to light, or make one option seem better than the other, or something.

The more time that passes the less clarity I have. It's funny, I wake up each morning committed to a plan of action, and then something happens during the day to change my mind.

Oye vay.

I'm looking for something to tip the scales. Something that screams "THIS IS YOUR BEST CHOICE!" but alas, nothing has done that.

Yet.

Though I did have a Skype call with a ridiculously cute Swiss boy that made me wish I had a EU passport. That would be fantastic.

What have you been up to?

Holy shit, I last wrote a real post in February.

My bad. But in my defense, well, there is no defense. I suck. Big time.

So hear, to catch you up, is a catch-up post. YAY!

First, like I've mentioned before I'm now a co-host of a wicked-awesome podcast.
talk•fool•ery is easily my favorite creative outlet. I think we're finding our groove - I'm 'nervous giggling' a whole lot less - and I'm super thankful that Corey asked me to be his co-host. If you haven't done so already, you should totally check it out. As one review says, 'Good podcast for mindless indulgence."

Yes!

Second, I've been traveling a bunch. I've been to Edmonton to entertain my niece & nephew, back to Edmonton for a surprise for ma, San Fran to visit Eve to spend some time with her and her adorable daughter Dixie Mae. I have to admit, I fell in love with Dixie. We had a blast together, and she made me wish my friends with babies lived a whole lot closer.

I also went to Saint John, New Brunswick for the CPRS Conference. I was there as an attendee and to fetch an award my company won. Saint John was lovely, I ate a ton of lobster, drank a lot of beer and was hit on by a 65 year old man. A man who thought he had a shot at me! WHAT!?

The fundraiser was a rocking success, and a million thanks to anyone who helped in any way, shape or form. What a way to warm my cynical heart.

That's about it.

In four days it will be this blog's five year anniversary. What shall I write ...

Editor's Note: While I was en route home, my amazing friend Harp got her ass out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to visit me at the airport and have breakfast with me. It was fantastic and lovely and she is a wonderful source of light and inspiration in my life. 

Whip it good

My ass got whipped last week.

You see, in recent months my work has gone through a series of fairly significant changes: new ownership, new offices, the departure of some of my favorite people.

All had been good. I was doing ok. Really.

Then last week happened. Last week I didn't do ok.

Last week, in fact, I felt like I sucked balls. You see I was to deliver my first reputation audit. I have helped out with them in the past, but had yet to lead one. I was both excited and nervous.

And I totally underestimated all the things I didn't know. Well, that may not be true. I think I underestimated the things that weren't intuitive to me.

Since the start of my career in public relations, most things have come somewhat intuitively, which is how I knew I found my niche. But last week, nothing I did was right. I didn't ask for help when I should have, I didn't send the report to edits early enough, I didn't look at the data from the right angle.

Obviously I didn't do a lot of things right.

I was doubting everything. As per usual. But as Sarin said, "This is your first time writing a report like this. You will learn and do better next time."

Things I have learned because of this debacle:

1. While I am good at my job, I am not perfect. I must remember to ask for help. Even when I don't want to.
2. There are some things that are beyond my expertise, right now. 
3. Bring in extra eyes, they can save so much stress.
4. Look at the data from all angles. Don't assume anything. 
5. Carefully review previous examples of similar work. I put the emphasis on CAREFULLY. Sometimes, because of the environment I work in, I skip the carefully and run through everything. No matter how much other shit I have on my plate, I have to start dedicating time to preparing for the new projects that will come up. Well, new to me. 
6. Regan Lal is an amazing resource and I miss her dearly. She is my co-worker who had a baby and abandoned me. I miss her all the time for many things other than her big brain, but last week I missed her guidance, patience and ability to walk me through things that I need to know. 

Now you know why I turned everything off. 

Twas a good day

I love my job. You are all aware of that. But there are things about my job that scare the shit out of me.

Media relations is one of them.

You see, early on in my career, I had some ... failures in the media relations department. First there was the New York Times reporter that yelled and cursed at me.

Then there was a whole situation with a not-for-profit I was working with a couple of years ago and not being able to get them any media coverage - despite them being totally worthwhile.

So, since then I have removed myself from any media relations activities and focused on things I am much better at, social media being one of them.

Well today was a super duper great day.

Yesterday I pitched a story to some traditional and online publications. None of the traditionals wanted it, but a couple of the online pubs ran the story.

I got an email from the client today that REUTERS - yes, you read that right, Reuters - picked up the story from one of the online publications.

There are some days you feel like you're not the worst. Today is one of those days. This definitely helps push all of the doubt aside.

Head full of doubt

I mentioned that I made a mistake at work a couple of weeks ago. It was a silly mistake, and I am still not over it.

This mistake has left me ... doubtful.

Maybe I'm not cut-out for the business world. Maybe I am not as awesome as I like to believe. Maybe all the faith my company has in me is totally misplaced.

I can't help but think that the other shoe is going to drop. That I will be exposed as a fraud and that everyone around me is going to end up disappointed in me. That everyone will see my confident bravado is just that, bravado.

I know it's totally obsessive of me, but I can't help it. I am still unable to shake the doubt and it's definitely getting to me.

Just thought I would share.

Today I knew, I made the right decision

Obviously I didn't really talk about the happenings of the past month or so. They have been a little complex, so I needed to get my head straight before I could articulate what's up.

After today, I think I'm ready, so let me try.

A few weeks ago I had a job offer in Toronto.

Yes, I said Toronto. I wasn't necessarily looking to leave my current job, I've talked about how much I love it after all. But I do like the idea of getting some interview experience and keeping your resume fresh. So whatever, I randomly applied for a job in Toronto that I wasn't qualified for.

But I was given an offer anyways. Apparently, I'm marketable.

This job offer was lovely. The firm seemed great, the people super nice and the work interesting. It would have been a lateral move - no doubt - but it wouldn't have been a bad move. In fact, I think some people believe it would have been a really good move.

I digress.

I received this offer, thought about it, talked to my bosses about it - after all, for the past three years, they have been my most tangible mentors - but then chose to decline it.

In seeking advice from all fronts, my friend Josh said "Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one."

I thought it was nice advice, but didn't fully believe it until today.

You see today, I found out a stupid, uncharacteristic mistake I made almost got us fired. A client was so upset with my work, that it almost resulted in us losing the account.

I wanted to die.

While I like to pretend that I have a pretty pulled-together life, in reality, the only pulled-together thing I have is work. It's the only place I am confident, capable and moving in the right direction.

My personal life is a mess.

Again, I digress.

I haven always prided myself on being good at my job. I have never been fired from anything and the idea that something I did put my agency in a precarious position really got to me.

I spoke to my boss about it in general terms, as this information was given to me in confidence. As she reassured me that the loss of a client will not result in the loss of my job and that this company believes in me, I knew:

I definitely made the right decision.

So, for the first time, I chose Vancouver. I chose it over the bright lights, big city of Toronto, which, in turn, means I may have chosen it over New York.

Who knew that would ever happen?

Priority: High

I went to Hawaii this weekend. Yes, it is extravagant for a weekend trip, but the flight prices were cheap, and because it was a family vaycay, I didn't have to pay for anything else.

This weekend has been all kinds of ups and downs.

Up because I got to see all of my immediate family and a good chunk of my extended family.

Up because my nieces and nephews (two of each) are the most awesome kidlettes ever. The kidlettes and I were Team Awesome all weekend. My 1 year old niece was trying to scream my name for the last two days. My 4 year old nephew said I was his girlfriend and tried to stay up all night so he wouldn't miss a minute with me. My 6 year old niece wore her Canada sweater with pride and was fucking awesome-sauce.

Down because it was so short.

Down because Monday was spent in front of a computer working. As these nieces and nephews of mine were on the beach, yelling for me I was forced to deal with a 'client issue'.

Normally, I don't mind working from home, but this was not home. This was a house on Oahu's North Shore. This was time that I was supposed to have with my family that I don't get to hang with much.

This was MY time.

My family understands the reality of mortality and this weekend made me realize: at any point, any one of these people might not be here. And should they stop being here I would be left with nothing but regrets for not spending Monday frolicking on the beach with the cutest half-breed kids in the world.

So, this weekend left me with one nagging question: where the fuck are my priorities?

Howdy Pardner!

Ok, so the second edition of baby bump is happening this week and I realized, I haven't really told you about baby bump or about my business partner, Lis.

Lis and I worked at the Crowne Plaza together. We were friends, mainly because her parents paid me and she wanted to be just like me.

So, Lis and I go WAY back.

Last winter I was in Edmo to visit my ma. Chunk and I went to Lis' for dinner, where we came up with the idea of a maternity consignment sale, over dinner and wine. Cool right?

Why am I involved in a maternity clothing consignment sale?

Well, because I think it's a really smart idea. Why the hell would you spend a ton of money on maternity clothes - you're only going to wear them for 8 months MAYBE. And then seriously, do you want to be reminded of how big you were when you're not prego anymore? I don't understand!

Anyways, I also kinda wanted to see an idea from idea to execution. You know, to see if a couple of trouble makers could make something useful.

Before I go any further, you gotta know how awesome Lis has been as a business partner. There have been very few bumps, the only one I can think of being when I was being cheap about a tagging gun. Yes, I'm retarded leotarded. Whatevs.

But Lis has been kick-ass awesome. She has let me run wild with the stuff I want to run wild with. I mean, I built a website in a weekend. Yes, I'm badass.

And here's another thing I dig about Lis:

Tonight, while we were prepping for a TV spot tomorrow, we spent a good chunk of the time laughing at ourselves and having fun. We get our shit done, but we get to have a gay old time while doing it - me likey.

She has been understanding of when my life is crazy and I can't concentrate on baby bump stuff, and pushes me when she knows I SHOULD be concentrating on it. We have been each other's reality checks, and a lovely support system.

After the last sale was over and we realized that we didn't bomb, we took our exhausted asses to the park by the condo and drank publicly. It was awesome.

It's kinda cool - she's a partner in crime AND in business.

Awesome right?

Tell me you love me

I love my job. I have talked about it a lot, but I really do. When I walked in for my interview two years ago, I had no idea that this job, with these crazy people, would be such a great fit.

After my first Friday cocktails I came home and bragged about how we had cocktails in the office! P3 said 'You feel like you're home don't you?' And I kinda did.

My job pushes me, stresses me out and kicks my ass most weeks, but it's fucking awesome.

But, one thing about my job is that it's a tough environment. Compliments and niceties aren't doled out willy nilly.

In fact, it has been compared, somewhat appropriately, to a boyfriend that doesn't say 'I love you'. Sure, you know he loves you and that's why you stick with him, but sometimes, you just want to hear those words.

Well, yesterday, after two years, my job told me that it loves me too. My job, said, 'Iris, we think you are pretty AND smart.'

And I couldn't be happier than if it were a real-life boy was saying it.

Although it feels oddly similar - the relief that you didn't make all those things up in your head or that he was just an ass or, well, you get my drift. And the warm fuzzy feeling you get, well it's pretty nice. Plus, it's always nice to know the feelings are mutual.

My first real-life, big-girl promotion, new title and all. YAY ME!

But, is it normal that my palms have started to sweat just thinking about what this ACTUALLY means?

Oye vay.

Totally worth it

How do you put into words your worth?

How do you articulate all the intangible qualities that make you you?

And when someone doesn't recognize your worth, how long do you stay? How long do you sit around and let this person or situation take advantage of you, solely for their benefit?

I have mentioned I am very loyal - to a fault in fact a lot of times - and I struggle with cutting ties and ending relationships. What if I have more to learn / gain / enjoy out of it?

So my question to my 10 readers - how do you know when enough is enough and to just walk away? How do you know when a situation is toxic enough that the best option for you is to remove yourself from it?

How?!

Because I am not really sure I know that point. When I have broken up with friends before, it was long after the relationship had turned toxic. Boyfriends, well, rarely am I the breaker-upper. And jobs, up until this one, I have only had jobs that were 'replaceable'.

*sigh*

Sometimes, I wish there was just a magic button you could push to get all the answers. How fucking lovely would that be?

Work work work

I am one of those annoying people that actually loves my job.

Sure there are days I want to kill myself because of my job, but day in and day out, I am happy to go to work.

There are certain ... things about my job that make me love it so. Here is a list and brief description of them (could that sound any more formal!?). These are in no particular order:

• Because we are a small office, I get the chance to work on things someone at my level wouldn't touch at a big agency. I would be relegated to media lists and event grunt work. But at my job, I get to help write strategies, and give my input and have them actually be incorporated in things. It's pretty fucking cool.

• I have been really fortunate to be able to carve out my own little niche for myself. During my review I told my boss I had an interest in social media and bam! I get to do social media. I have been able to push myself - sometimes further than I thought I could handle - and see what I am made of.

• It is a sink or swim environment. If you're dumb, you won't make it. As much as I love my bosses, they are intolerant of stupidity and inefficiency. But so am I, so whatevs.

• Sooo flexible. When my mom went in for her surgery, I was able to take some time off and then work from home for the rest of the week, and home being Edmonton. So many other companies would give you the minimum and tell you to suck it up.

• My coworkers fucking rock. And for the most part, they always have. There have been some rough patches, one instance comes to mind, but she didn't last with us for very long. But all-in-all, my coworkers have been amazing.

Ok, so I'll shut up now. I am not trying to be a kiss ass or anything, but my job actually does make me really happy and well, I get how annoying that is for people.

Suckers!

So not bloggable

I had an interesting life once. It was full of fun activities, boys and random stories. It was lovely, and it gave me something to blog about.

That life is no more. At least right now. I am hopeful my life will become interesting again soon enough.

Where did that life go? I wonder that all the time.

Well, I think I have an answer - it went to work.

Work has become very consuming as of late. I work evenings, weekends, I have been coming in early and staying late. Work has become my life.

And I am not naturally disposed to being a hardworker. In fact, I am unabashedly lazy. It takes a lot of energy for me to work this hard.

Gah.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel though, and that light looks like Las Vegas. Lis, Chunk, Autumn and I are hitting up Vegas this weekend for someone's 30th - I won't name names.

So yes, I will get a break soon. I will get to dress a little slutty, probably make some poor life choices and have a tiny bit of regret when I get back, but fuck it. I am going to Vegas!

And maybe then, there will be something blog-worthy to talk about. Or maybe, they will be too scandalous to share.

I am ok with either.

Cubicle Tours

I have mentioned several times how much I love my job.

And I mean, almost everything about my job. The view, the people, the actual work - everything about my job fits me.

One of the things I love most about my job is that they let me be me. I curse, and they don't mind. I am messy, and they accept it. I need my friends around, and they don't complain.

Now, having my friends around has become difficult considering that the majority of them live in Edmonton. But I have found a way.

Boy, have I ever.

This is my cubicle. You can see the clutter. There are pictures of almost (I said ALMOST) everyone that matters to me - I like to choose either the ones that I look the best in or make me giggle when I see them - although there are expceptions.

Example: I love the way Eve and I look in the pic behind my screen, but I get a giggle everytime I see the pic of Jarod and Smelly.

You will notice the gingerbread house to the left. I dislike Christmas a lot, and when I got back from China, my cube was wrapped and there was a gingerbread house left for me. Only the gingerbread house has pictures in the window. Not just any pictures, but the pictures taken for visas to China - one of me and one of my boss. We look like angry criminals, so even though it has been three months since Christmas, the gingerbread house remains.

I have a bottle of vitamin D - this started as a little Westside thing between my first cubie and I, but it is now just good health.

There is an ad my boss cut out for me. The headline reads "Are you an almost Indian". Hells yes.
The tub of vaseline, well, it's just the single best moisturizer known to man. Don't be dirty.

To the right, out of the shot, is my drawer full of treats. Chocolates in the first one and breakfast / lunch 'quick meals' in the second. You know, oatmeal, ramen noodles, granola bars - that sorta thing.

So that is my cube. I just thought I would share.

A glorious feeling

January has been VERY busy for me. Between the culmination of the holidays and my birthday and us being short-staffed, I have been tired for a good chunk of the month.

So fucking tired.

Most of my time has been going to one project at work, and while the meat of the project doesn't take that long, the background shit takes forever.

FOREVER.

There is a consistent deadline, so I have nothing but my procrastinating ways to blame for having to work till the last minute.

But there is something about a tight deadline that makes me work ... better.

And when the project is done - let me tell ya - yay!

Tonight, I finished the project. There will be minor edits tomorrow, but the painful part is done. I always make a little treat at the end of a busy period. I get silly drunk and not think about work for a couple of days.

It is my own little carrot.

So, that is what I will be doing this weekend. Killing a few brain cells and giggling the stress away.

Who needs massages?

Pooped

I am so freaking tired. I don't think I have ever been more exhausted in my life. All of a sudden, my work is all-consuming.

And I love it.

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

Even the really stressful stuff is exhilarating. I am excited to go to work every day, I love my coworkers and I have a fun time at work. We work when we have to and laugh when we can. It is a perfect work environment for me.

Each and every day, my wait to take the perfect job becomes more and more vindicated. I was right.

This is totally worth it.