Where were you a year ago?

I can tell you exactly where I was - my flight had just landed at Dubai International airport, and I was in the middle of a million emotions.

You see, a year ago, to the hour, I stepped foot in my new home for the first time. It had been an emotional 20-hour journey - leaving home, my family, my friends, the man I was in love with - but I wiped my tears and got off the plane.

To say this has been an enlightening year would be an understatement. Moving to a new city always is, but this wasn't just a new city, it was a new bloody continent, 12 time zones from home.

Most of highlights have come in the form of travel. This year I made it to Singapore, Vancouver, Tunis, Houston, Copenhagen and London. Four continents, one year - not bad.

The work has been challenging and mostly fulfilling. It's been quite the change going from a small agency to a behemoth of a company. I went from working with six of my favorite people in Vancouver to a department of more than 200. I'm still blown away by all of the nationalities the company represents and how much exposure I have to the world outside of Dubai.

The lows have been mostly personal. From the end of my relationship, to the knowledge that life goes on without you, sometimes being away from home and alone really sucks.

Despite everything, I can honestly say that my regrets are few and far between. I'm ok (today), and that's a pretty good feeling.

It blows my mind that it's already been a year, and at the same time, it feels like I've been here forever. Funny how time can play tricks on you, isn't it?

So there you have it, an EXACT 365th-day post from the Middle East. 

An Ah-Ha Moment

Today, my department participated in a co-branded digital conference with Google. Neat, right?

Google swag!

As I was listening to the first presentation, I looked around at the room, at the branding of the event, at the content we'd be covering and it hit me: I could never have done this in Vancouver.

I mean, I'm sure similar stuff happens in Vancouver, but here I sat, a part of one of the world's best airlines, listening to a president from one of the world's largest companies.

It's this kind of exposure that I gave up Vancouver for. It's this kind of experience that made me leave behind a life I was in love with. It's this kind of thing that makes all the emotional ups and downs worthwhile.

So while my life today looks nothing like my life a year ago, life is ok.

Let the emotions begin

It's about two weeks to go before I leave Vancouver, and already the emotions have begun to take over.

Everything feels like a 'last'. Yesterday I landed at YVR and noted that this would be the last time I say, 'I'm home' when touching down. I went to my favourite sushi place today and wondered if this would be my last visit.

I feel like crying at almost every turn, and have been.

I was offered the job in September, and it's been many months of me wondering when my 'lasts' would be, but now it seems they have begun, and that really sucks.

Should you see a tall brown girl wandering the West End of Vancouver intermittently crying, avert your eyes - it's just me facing reality.

15 days and counting.

Follow your gut

There are many phrases to describe it - instinct, intuition, hunch, sixth sense, suspicion - whatever it may be, it's real and you should not discount it.

For the past month I have been miserable. Crying before going to work, angry at life, bored for more than eight hours a day, with each passing day I realized I was ignoring my gut. This wasn't the right job for me.

At all.

The people were fantastic - funny, smart, talented, super nice, good to work with - which made my decision all the more difficult. But at the end of the day, life is too short to be miserable for 40 hours per week (at least).

The company's actions since my departure have made it evident: I made a good life choice by leaving.

So boys and girls, what did we learn through this? Trust your gut. Don't disregard your knowledge. Do what you know is best - life is too short to not.

Way too short.

Flip Flopper

Every day seems to bring a new option to light, or make one option seem better than the other, or something.

The more time that passes the less clarity I have. It's funny, I wake up each morning committed to a plan of action, and then something happens during the day to change my mind.

Oye vay.

I'm looking for something to tip the scales. Something that screams "THIS IS YOUR BEST CHOICE!" but alas, nothing has done that.

Yet.

Though I did have a Skype call with a ridiculously cute Swiss boy that made me wish I had a EU passport. That would be fantastic.

This one time, I had no idea

Well, this week has been interesting. 

I spent Canada Day long weekend with two of my favorite people in the world. I drove 7 hours to Valemount, BC to visit a couple of gays and their new cabin. It was quiet, and peaceful, and amazingly perfect. I came back to face the week with some much needed clarity.

Then Monday happened, and all clarity went away. Now I'm left without an anchor, and without a reason to be logical. 

For the first time in many years, I have the chance to choose the life I want. But that begs the question, 'What do I want?'

My plan has changed several times since Monday and I expect it will change many more times in the coming weeks. I think that's normal. Right?! There are just so many things to consider! And I suppose, I will never know what the right answer is, but in the coming weeks, an answer will have to be made. No 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts' about it.

This shit's about to get real. 

Happy birthday

On June 16, 2006 I started this here blog. From the first post and my excitement to be in New York, to the heartbreak of giving up a dream.

This blog has seen me at my lowest - unemployed, suffering ACTUAL heartbreak, medical woes and lonely as hell. It has been witness to my humourous attempts at finding a romantic partner - every shitty date, speed dating, and even an international romance (here, here and here). It has seen me travel the Far East, Europe twice, and many many road trips.

I feel like I have grown with this blog. When I look back at older posts, I can see it, in my actual writing and the thoughts behind the writing. My life today doesn't look like it did in 2006 - thank goodness. My life today is grown up, with a job that makes me happy, in a city that isn't as bad as I originally thought.

So there she be. Five years of a blog that no one, other than me, gives a shit about. Thanks Internet for making a narcissist out of me and helping me share it with anyone who wants a read. Or those who happen to Google any of the following:

• "iris dias" bitch brown girl
• fun things to do when your awake at 6 in the morning
• gay morinville (My personal favorite)
• my girlfriend invited me to passover
• all of a sudden, i am obsessed with shoes
• cute italian boys
• have a debaucherous time in vegas
• irisdias sucks shit blog
• olympic theme jello shooters

Happy birthday blog. You've been my most stable outlet for the past five years, and for that I am forever grateful.

What have you been up to?

Holy shit, I last wrote a real post in February.

My bad. But in my defense, well, there is no defense. I suck. Big time.

So hear, to catch you up, is a catch-up post. YAY!

First, like I've mentioned before I'm now a co-host of a wicked-awesome podcast.
talk•fool•ery is easily my favorite creative outlet. I think we're finding our groove - I'm 'nervous giggling' a whole lot less - and I'm super thankful that Corey asked me to be his co-host. If you haven't done so already, you should totally check it out. As one review says, 'Good podcast for mindless indulgence."

Yes!

Second, I've been traveling a bunch. I've been to Edmonton to entertain my niece & nephew, back to Edmonton for a surprise for ma, San Fran to visit Eve to spend some time with her and her adorable daughter Dixie Mae. I have to admit, I fell in love with Dixie. We had a blast together, and she made me wish my friends with babies lived a whole lot closer.

I also went to Saint John, New Brunswick for the CPRS Conference. I was there as an attendee and to fetch an award my company won. Saint John was lovely, I ate a ton of lobster, drank a lot of beer and was hit on by a 65 year old man. A man who thought he had a shot at me! WHAT!?

The fundraiser was a rocking success, and a million thanks to anyone who helped in any way, shape or form. What a way to warm my cynical heart.

That's about it.

In four days it will be this blog's five year anniversary. What shall I write ...

Editor's Note: While I was en route home, my amazing friend Harp got her ass out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to visit me at the airport and have breakfast with me. It was fantastic and lovely and she is a wonderful source of light and inspiration in my life.