From Hope to Reality

Last year when I got back from Paris I spoke of the hope I found. The hope that someone out there is waiting for me. Someone great. This year, my vacation brought me a fine dose of reality.

I've been asked many times if I saw my Swiss friend, and the answer is yes, I did. But not how I was planning. But a brief moment of my vacation was spent with the coolest boy I have met in years.

Vacation Highlight: Boys Boys Boys

I am single and looking to mingle, so part of the draw of Italy was the cute Italian boys! And cute they were.

Luckily, I was able to travel to a few cities and get a sampling of each's male offerings. Here is my breakdown of the boys of Italy, city-by-city

What I want

I'm getting a little sad.

Several months ago I returned from Europe with a spring in my step and hope in my pocket.

I sit here today with very little of either. I have lost the hope and I have lost the spring. And it makes me so sad.

The reason for the hope is starting to distance himself - as he should. It has been more than a year since we originally met. More than a year of being 8333km away from one another. More than a year of thinking about him and wishing with every little piece of me that this boy I met lived just a few time zones closer to me.

But alas he doesn't.

When I came back from Switzerland I thought there was a chance of him coming to visit before next year. I thought I had left enough of an impression on him that he would take a risk and fly across the world. Of course he didn't - how silly was I to even think that?

Pretty silly.

The earliest he may come here is March 2011. That would make it a year since I was in Switzerland. It's already been months without a decent date. And for all I know he is dating many women, or heck, maybe the reason for the distancing is that he found an actual girlfriend. Like I'd mentioned before, he's too cute to stay single for much longer.

I'm too scared to ask though. Too scared that he has had enough sense to move on, when I have not. Too scared to find out that I'm not worth waiting for, when I believed (and still do) that he is worth waiting for.

sucks.

Skype-tastic!

I've been on the Skype bandwagon for a few years now - it had been a life-saver when trying to keep in touch while I was in NYC, but for all the money it saved me then, I still had yet to fully appreciate the magic of the technology. 

Until this week.

This week, my Swiss friend and I had our first video chat via Skype, and it was magical.

I hadn't seen his face since I was on the train leaving Bern, and well that wasn't the happiest of days. It had also felt like I had started making up how cute he is. Like my memory had made him up and he was merely just a normal dude I had manifested, or something. But let me tell ya, I didn't make it up. He really is as cute as I remembered. And not to mention as silly as can be. I'm smiling from ear-to-ear just writing this.

So back to the call. I had no idea I could be so excited to see someone's face. We have had many telephone calls, but this video call takes the cake. To see him, sitting there, looking right at me. Fuck. It was awesome.

It really was. But at the same time, this Skype call proved harder than I expected.

Huh?

Well, I don't like boys often. I go on dates, but most boys fail to impress or leave any impression at all. But this boy, well this boy has left an impression. A pretty deep impression in fact. So to see his face, and hear his voice. To know that he was as excited (I think) to see me, but to not be able to reach out and touch him, well that was harder than I expected. Much harder. It took everything (and a maxed out credit card) to stop me from buying a one-way ticket to Switzerland and not look back.

But as he has said before: "This is life. You are there and I am here. What can we do?"

Suck balls man.

Frustration

I am starting to get frustrated.

Single for three years, dating the entire time, I have yet to meet a boy I really enjoy in Vancouver.

No, because I like the difficult life, in the past three years, the only boy that I have met that I like enough to think about dating lives 8333km away. (yes, that is the exact distance from Vancouver to Bern)

So now, not only does he live very far away, but because I think he's pretty great, I'm getting frustrated. Frustrated with the fact that we cannot really get to know each other from so far away. Frustrated that this great life I have here cannot be shared with him. Frustrated that because I was lucky enough to find him, I am now uninterested in the idiots boys here.

It was four really special days in Bern and how I would love for it to translate into something more. At the very least a second or third date. But I am starting to feel the hope he provided slipping away. He is too cute to remain single for much longer.

And my biggest fear may just come true: I will be forgotten.

I hate the idea of being forgotten. Especially by this boy.

sigh

Vacation Highlight: Switzerland

When I planned on going to Switzerland to see about a boy, I had no idea it would be the perfect ending to an already perfect trip.

Paris was loud. There was a constant buzz to the city, just like there should be. But Parisians are different than any other city-dweller I have encountered. I am not sure why, but the city didn't capture me the way New York did. I mean, NYC was love at first sight, where Paris was lovely, but did not inspire me to pack up and move there.

The train to Bern was stressful to say the least. My nerves were wracked and all day, all I could concentrate on was seeing the Swiss boy I met months ago. Not to mention my luggage had become very large and heavy. oye.

When I got to Bern, the first thing I noticed, other than the boy of course, was the smell - so fresh and so clean - and holy shit was it quiet. That was to be expected, traveling from a city of millions to a city of 200,000 but it still  acted as such a pleasant surprise.

My Swiss friend was an incredible host. Taking me for great food, showing me the sights, introducing me to his friends, drinks all day long, smoking at will, a day trip to Interlaken and not once did he annoy me - a miracle in and of itself.

He was all kinds of great and he didn't make me feel like too much of a burden at any point. Laughing at me wearing ridiculous outfits, recognizing that not only am I loud, but very silly - he was a great punctuation to my trip.

His awesomeness made leaving incredibly difficult though. I haven't been that sad to leave a boy in a very long time, but I did and allowed all of the TGV to read the sadness on my face - it was hard to hide between the tears and all.

For all of my cynicism, my Swiss friend provided me with something I thought I had lost - hope. Hope for something great, something special and more importantly, hope for someone special.

So thanks for the hope Switzerland - it is much appreciated and desperately needed.

Well ...

I cannot properly capture how incredible my trip was, so I won't even try.

But it was absolutely perfect.

Everything from wandering around Paris for days, to spending a magical weekend with a pretty special boy - well, it is fair to say my expectations were exceeded.

No, I didn't get everything done I wanted to. I missed seeing many museums, and landmarks in Paris, but I did that city the way I like to do urban adventures - getting lost in them.

Getting lost helped me make a couple of new friends that helped take my Paris trip up several notches.

I am home now and so very sad. I was right, saying goodbye to the a certain Swiss boy was so difficult. For the first time since P3, I cried about a boy. I cried, in fact, for a good portion of the day.

And yes, I was annoyed, and had to lose a day of work with no pay, but I'd like to give a big shout out to British Airlines for the strike. Their cabin crew strike provided me just one more day with said boy. Thanks Unite!

So there you have it. If you want specifics, let me know via comments - I will do my best to answer them.

Finished

Tomorrow, I leave Switzerland.

I think tomorrow, I will be very sad.

I meet enough boys and have been on enough dates to know when I meet a good guy and when I meet a schmuck.

Unfortunately, I think I have met a good guy.

Why unfortunately? Well, I will likely never see this boy again. He will continue with his life and I will return to mine, and our paths may never cross again. And this makes me very sad.

Funny, cute, kind, smoker, and I have mentioned before, yay for accents. I have come to realize that these qualities are too few and far between in men. Often uptight and judgemental, to meet a person that is ok with you being silly and dressing crazy is a good thing.

Only he lives here and I live there.

So tomorrow, when I board the train and leave Switzerland, I think I will be very sad.

What the what?

My life is riddled with confusion - mainly centering around boys, but confusion nonetheless.

This latest confusion comes from across an ocean and several time zones away.

After Vegas, the one boy that was worth remembering and I became online buddies. We chatted, flirted, exchanged German pleasantries, it was nice.

Until I woke up one morning and he had disappeared.

DISAPPEARED.

The things is, all in all, I thought we had developed, at a minimum, a friendship that warranted more than a disappearing act. A 'Hey, that picture you have up is gross, I don't want to talk to you anymore." or a "Because we don't live in the same country, I am going to become a priest."

Anything really.

But that is the thing about random people - you have no idea about their real life. He may have been married or had a girlfriend or a murderer or so many other things.

And of course, while I know there is a rational explanation to it all, the first thing that popped into my head was, thoughts of his death. I had fears of being Miranda and losing a cute boy to death.

Ugh.

Yes, that is right. My name is Iris and I am perpetually perplexed by people with penises.

Vegas' Y Chromosomes

There are a lot of guys in Vegas.

A lot.

Not all of them were ... quality men. In fact, while most provided good stories, only one name was worth remembering. The rest just made for good blog fodder. I think Andi got the brunt of the creepers - she is super hot and well, I just look kinda angry most of the time. meh.

So here, because I know you have all be waiting to hear about the escapades of Andi and Iris - who, might I add, are a bit like a girl buffet, something for every taste. Now, to the boys of Las Vegas.

XS

While we are walking into the club, some guy just tells us to come with him, so we do and we end up getting in for free - we'll totally take the $20 savings each - however, we won't hangout with you another night. We're just not that into you.

Just because you do something nice, we are not obligated to spend more time with you. Your generosity is appreciated, but that is all.

As we are sitting down, a dude sits on the other side of Andi and starts to create a conversation - being polite, Andi obliges, until he asks "How tall are you?" When she answered, his response: "Cool! We're the same height - let's dance!!"

Seriously, has this worked before? Is it a turn-on to be the same height? Odd.

There was the cute Swiss boy - he was tall, European and well, very cute.And get this - he wasn't creepy! Also, yay for accents!

Boys - being cute and having an accent will always work in your favor. Always. Although, Nein sprechen sie Deutsch.

To the guy on the dancefloor that wouldn't leave Andi alone - yes, I pushed you and yes, I would do it again. Asshole.

Here's the thing - if a girl is unresponsive the first time you try to dance with her, it is likely that SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU. Don't try three more times, just move on. Idiot.

Pure

Um, Pure was BAAAD. The club was pretty, but the boys were a critical fail. No seriously.

Upon arrival, Andi gets stopped by an Aussie who wanted to 'mate' her. As he was holding us both hostage with inane conversation, he starts to talk about his search for juice in Las Vegas.

huh? I'm still confused. JUST GO TO 7-11 and stop talking about it with random people.

After we had broken free from the small Aussie, Andi gets stopped again, but this time by an older dude. This guy wanted to 'guess' which province and city we were from.

Again, huh? Is this a game that works boys? This guessing game? Because it shouldn't and if it has, you have been LUCKY.

Lavo

Lavo was our last stop of Tuesday night and thank goodness. The music was good, the boys weren't as bad and well, we just wanted to dance.

When we sat down, Andi was approached by some random. This time, his topic of conversation was her job. When she mentioned that she works in an accounting office, he asked for two two-digit numbers and proceeded to try and multiply them .. IN HIS HEAD.

You get that she works in an accounting office and isn't actually Rain Man right? Ugh.

There was the old man that invited us to his table for champagne. Seriously, he was there by himself, with a couple of bottles and half naked woman flanking him - the girls weren't actually with him, but were at the club and he invited them over for company and free champagne.

Gross.

Vancouver

After all the Vegas cheesiness, we were happy to be back in Canada where the men are slightly frightened of women.

That was until we were leaving Josh's apartment and two dudes get into the elevator with us. The conversation went like this:

Dude 1: Where did you ladies come from tonight?
Us: Um, just a friend's apartment
Dude 2: Of course they were in the building - where did you think they were, the sky?
Dude 1: Well, angels sometimes fall from heaven.

WHEN HAS THIS WORKED?! I mean, I am a fan of cheesy lines - if you are playing them as cheesy. These dudes were serious.

So, boys, the moral of the story:

Don't be a douchebag. If you want to chat with a girl, make sure she's actually interested in the conversation. No one's asking for deep conversation or anything, but give her something she can work with.

Above all else, remember: NO ED HARDY.

Tangent: What is it with Ed Hardy - why is this brand around? Who is wearing this shit? Who thinks it looks good? Please, stop buying Ed Hardy and buy a shirt with only a couple of colours and no bedazzled accessories. Even if you are from New Jersey - this is unacceptable. If you are from LA, well, it is just expected.

Ugh.

Sorry. So yes, the boys of Vegas were a'plenty, but the quality of Vegas was lacking.

Badly.

Sinners and the City

Before you get Vegas, you get context.

My friend Andi and I worked at the hotel together. She is a couple years younger than I am, single and hot. We were planning on going to Amsterdam and Oktoberfest, but the months flew by and we forgot to save money. So, we went to Vegas because, well, you couldn't beat the deals.

Seriously, we actually were able to stay at the Wynn! I thought the only way I'd ever get to stay in a property like that was if someone else was paying for it.

Ok, so now you know.

As soon as we got there, we oohed and aahed at how lovely the property was. We dashed to the roomed and were blown away by it. So big! And everything was just perfectly appointed. We changed, darted to get some food and lazed by the pool. It was 37 degrees that first day.

Yes, you read that right.

After the pool, we napped, slept till midnight accidentally and got up to get ready. By the time we got to the club, it was 1AM and a pretty big sausage party. But we're troopers and tried to make the best of it. heh. It wasn't hard.

We drank, we danced, we chatted with boys, we almost got into a fight with one, we made new friends, oh and we got into the club for free.

We were awesome.

Totally worth it

How do you put into words your worth?

How do you articulate all the intangible qualities that make you you?

And when someone doesn't recognize your worth, how long do you stay? How long do you sit around and let this person or situation take advantage of you, solely for their benefit?

I have mentioned I am very loyal - to a fault in fact a lot of times - and I struggle with cutting ties and ending relationships. What if I have more to learn / gain / enjoy out of it?

So my question to my 10 readers - how do you know when enough is enough and to just walk away? How do you know when a situation is toxic enough that the best option for you is to remove yourself from it?

How?!

Because I am not really sure I know that point. When I have broken up with friends before, it was long after the relationship had turned toxic. Boyfriends, well, rarely am I the breaker-upper. And jobs, up until this one, I have only had jobs that were 'replaceable'.

*sigh*

Sometimes, I wish there was just a magic button you could push to get all the answers. How fucking lovely would that be?

My *swoon* men

Ok, I am 28 years old and I get all teenager-girl when I see, hear or think of any of the boys on my list.

They are just so fucking cute!

Everything about them - I see JT and I get all giggly, I see George and I melt, Chuck gets me all ... hot and bothered, and no man will be as funny as Dave.

I love those boys, they give me hope that through all the losers I meet, one of them may have enough similar qualities to the boys on that list.

Talk about a lost cause.

They are all just so cute. And perfect in my head. If only these things would actually happen.

I don't think they will. sigh.

Well, maybe one day I will meet a boy with the soul of Justin, the smile of George, the humour of Dave, the swagger of Chuck and the all-American nature of Ben.

If you know anyone, you know where to find me.