Flip Flopper

Every day seems to bring a new option to light, or make one option seem better than the other, or something.

The more time that passes the less clarity I have. It's funny, I wake up each morning committed to a plan of action, and then something happens during the day to change my mind.

Oye vay.

I'm looking for something to tip the scales. Something that screams "THIS IS YOUR BEST CHOICE!" but alas, nothing has done that.

Yet.

Though I did have a Skype call with a ridiculously cute Swiss boy that made me wish I had a EU passport. That would be fantastic.

From Hope to Reality

Last year when I got back from Paris I spoke of the hope I found. The hope that someone out there is waiting for me. Someone great. This year, my vacation brought me a fine dose of reality.

I've been asked many times if I saw my Swiss friend, and the answer is yes, I did. But not how I was planning. But a brief moment of my vacation was spent with the coolest boy I have met in years.

What I want

I'm getting a little sad.

Several months ago I returned from Europe with a spring in my step and hope in my pocket.

I sit here today with very little of either. I have lost the hope and I have lost the spring. And it makes me so sad.

The reason for the hope is starting to distance himself - as he should. It has been more than a year since we originally met. More than a year of being 8333km away from one another. More than a year of thinking about him and wishing with every little piece of me that this boy I met lived just a few time zones closer to me.

But alas he doesn't.

When I came back from Switzerland I thought there was a chance of him coming to visit before next year. I thought I had left enough of an impression on him that he would take a risk and fly across the world. Of course he didn't - how silly was I to even think that?

Pretty silly.

The earliest he may come here is March 2011. That would make it a year since I was in Switzerland. It's already been months without a decent date. And for all I know he is dating many women, or heck, maybe the reason for the distancing is that he found an actual girlfriend. Like I'd mentioned before, he's too cute to stay single for much longer.

I'm too scared to ask though. Too scared that he has had enough sense to move on, when I have not. Too scared to find out that I'm not worth waiting for, when I believed (and still do) that he is worth waiting for.

sucks.

Skype-tastic!

I've been on the Skype bandwagon for a few years now - it had been a life-saver when trying to keep in touch while I was in NYC, but for all the money it saved me then, I still had yet to fully appreciate the magic of the technology. 

Until this week.

This week, my Swiss friend and I had our first video chat via Skype, and it was magical.

I hadn't seen his face since I was on the train leaving Bern, and well that wasn't the happiest of days. It had also felt like I had started making up how cute he is. Like my memory had made him up and he was merely just a normal dude I had manifested, or something. But let me tell ya, I didn't make it up. He really is as cute as I remembered. And not to mention as silly as can be. I'm smiling from ear-to-ear just writing this.

So back to the call. I had no idea I could be so excited to see someone's face. We have had many telephone calls, but this video call takes the cake. To see him, sitting there, looking right at me. Fuck. It was awesome.

It really was. But at the same time, this Skype call proved harder than I expected.

Huh?

Well, I don't like boys often. I go on dates, but most boys fail to impress or leave any impression at all. But this boy, well this boy has left an impression. A pretty deep impression in fact. So to see his face, and hear his voice. To know that he was as excited (I think) to see me, but to not be able to reach out and touch him, well that was harder than I expected. Much harder. It took everything (and a maxed out credit card) to stop me from buying a one-way ticket to Switzerland and not look back.

But as he has said before: "This is life. You are there and I am here. What can we do?"

Suck balls man.

Frustration

I am starting to get frustrated.

Single for three years, dating the entire time, I have yet to meet a boy I really enjoy in Vancouver.

No, because I like the difficult life, in the past three years, the only boy that I have met that I like enough to think about dating lives 8333km away. (yes, that is the exact distance from Vancouver to Bern)

So now, not only does he live very far away, but because I think he's pretty great, I'm getting frustrated. Frustrated with the fact that we cannot really get to know each other from so far away. Frustrated that this great life I have here cannot be shared with him. Frustrated that because I was lucky enough to find him, I am now uninterested in the idiots boys here.

It was four really special days in Bern and how I would love for it to translate into something more. At the very least a second or third date. But I am starting to feel the hope he provided slipping away. He is too cute to remain single for much longer.

And my biggest fear may just come true: I will be forgotten.

I hate the idea of being forgotten. Especially by this boy.

sigh

Vacation Highlight: Switzerland

When I planned on going to Switzerland to see about a boy, I had no idea it would be the perfect ending to an already perfect trip.

Paris was loud. There was a constant buzz to the city, just like there should be. But Parisians are different than any other city-dweller I have encountered. I am not sure why, but the city didn't capture me the way New York did. I mean, NYC was love at first sight, where Paris was lovely, but did not inspire me to pack up and move there.

The train to Bern was stressful to say the least. My nerves were wracked and all day, all I could concentrate on was seeing the Swiss boy I met months ago. Not to mention my luggage had become very large and heavy. oye.

When I got to Bern, the first thing I noticed, other than the boy of course, was the smell - so fresh and so clean - and holy shit was it quiet. That was to be expected, traveling from a city of millions to a city of 200,000 but it still  acted as such a pleasant surprise.

My Swiss friend was an incredible host. Taking me for great food, showing me the sights, introducing me to his friends, drinks all day long, smoking at will, a day trip to Interlaken and not once did he annoy me - a miracle in and of itself.

He was all kinds of great and he didn't make me feel like too much of a burden at any point. Laughing at me wearing ridiculous outfits, recognizing that not only am I loud, but very silly - he was a great punctuation to my trip.

His awesomeness made leaving incredibly difficult though. I haven't been that sad to leave a boy in a very long time, but I did and allowed all of the TGV to read the sadness on my face - it was hard to hide between the tears and all.

For all of my cynicism, my Swiss friend provided me with something I thought I had lost - hope. Hope for something great, something special and more importantly, hope for someone special.

So thanks for the hope Switzerland - it is much appreciated and desperately needed.

Vacation Highlight: Train Travel

The first time I experienced train travel was on my way to Versailles. I don't really count it though because it was a short trip, and I was still in a foreign-land daze.

The next time I took a train was from Paris to Bern, Switzerland. It was a 4.5 hour ride from one country to another - can you imagine?! It would take longer to get from Vancouver to Edmonton.

When I was in Bern, we went on a day-trip to Interlaken, again via train.

This time it was awesome. We stood and had a sandwich and a beer for lunch, followed by a smoke - at the train station. Yes, you read that right, I was able to smoke, inside the train station. yesssss!

We couldn't finish our beer before our train, so we took the can onto the train.

Sidenote: This was very common - people walking around drinking alcoholic beverages. Usually just beer, but even in Paris, people were casually strolling and drinking and smoking and it was the best thing ever.

The train-ride to Interlaken was beautiful. Lakes snuggled into the foothills of the Swiss Alps, the snowcapped  mountains, well it was splendid.

Check it out:

Of course, not all train travel is happy travel - the ride from Bern to Paris was depressing as shit. And it was late, but the cops all of a sudden were on board, so I think we may have been smuggling a criminal or something.

Also, is it weird that I didn't have to fill out any paperwork going into France or Switzerland, and they didn't even look at my passport going or leaving Switzerland?! Does anyone else find that strange?

Anyways, trains are awesome and I wish we had more access to them here. That would be great.

Well ...

I cannot properly capture how incredible my trip was, so I won't even try.

But it was absolutely perfect.

Everything from wandering around Paris for days, to spending a magical weekend with a pretty special boy - well, it is fair to say my expectations were exceeded.

No, I didn't get everything done I wanted to. I missed seeing many museums, and landmarks in Paris, but I did that city the way I like to do urban adventures - getting lost in them.

Getting lost helped me make a couple of new friends that helped take my Paris trip up several notches.

I am home now and so very sad. I was right, saying goodbye to the a certain Swiss boy was so difficult. For the first time since P3, I cried about a boy. I cried, in fact, for a good portion of the day.

And yes, I was annoyed, and had to lose a day of work with no pay, but I'd like to give a big shout out to British Airlines for the strike. Their cabin crew strike provided me just one more day with said boy. Thanks Unite!

So there you have it. If you want specifics, let me know via comments - I will do my best to answer them.