|Sad puppy (via Easily Distracted)|
This is the third time in my life that I've moved to a city I didn't really know anyone. (The fourth if you count when I moved to Florida, because though I had my extended family there, I didn't have a social network.)
This is the third time I've tried to make it in a city on my own.
This is the third time I've been genuinely lonely.
I go to work. I come home. I've taken to working out (I know, who am I!?) and thankfully there's a couple of people I know in the city who have been kind enough to invite me out. My co-workers have turned out to be really nice people, and fairly social, so that's a win, but most days, when I get home, I don't say another word to another human being.
I know this is temporary, it always is, but it doesn't make the loneliness any easier.
My mind wanders and I get homesick like nobody's business. And then I get updates from friends and family about what they're doing and how much fun they're having, and though I'm happy their lives are going well, I can't help but feel a tad jealous, and sorry for myself.
A friend of mine recently commented on how it's like I'm dead, but I can see how everyone moves on afterwards.
It's morbid, but almost exactly like that. (I assume)
You see whatever space you filled in people's lives become almost immediately occupied after you leave. Of course it is. I wouldn't want it any other way, but it doesn't make you feel any less ... insignificant.
And if you've never moved, if you've never been away from everything and everyone you love, if you've never been alone you don't know what it's like.
This too shall pass, and I know that. Soon enough I'll carve out a little life for myself and I will start making Dubai home, but for the next day or so, I'm sad and missing my old home.
Like I said, this isn't a complaint post, it just is what it is. (It's also a slightly pathetic post)