Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Unless You've Done It

PREFACE: This is not a complaint post. It is nothing more than the truth. Deal with it. 

Sad puppy (via Easily Distracted)
This is the third time in my life that I've moved to a city I didn't really know anyone. (The fourth if you count when I moved to Florida, because though I had my extended family there, I didn't have a social network.)

This is the third time I've tried to make it in a city on my own. 

This is the third time I've been genuinely lonely. 

I go to work. I come home. I've taken to working out (I know, who am I!?) and thankfully there's a couple of people I know in the city who have been kind enough to invite me out. My co-workers have turned out to be really nice people, and fairly social, so that's a win, but most days, when I get home, I don't say another word to another human being. 

I know this is temporary, it always is, but it doesn't make the loneliness any easier. 

My mind wanders and I get homesick like nobody's business. And then I get updates from friends and family about what they're doing and how much fun they're having, and though I'm happy their lives are going well, I can't help but feel a tad jealous, and sorry for myself. 

A friend of mine recently commented on how it's like I'm dead, but I can see how everyone moves on afterwards. 

It's morbid, but almost exactly like that. (I assume)

You see whatever space you filled in people's lives become almost immediately occupied after you leave. Of course it is. I wouldn't want it any other way, but it doesn't make you feel any less ... insignificant. 

And if you've never moved, if you've never been away from everything and everyone you love, if you've never been alone you don't know what it's like. 

This too shall pass, and I know that. Soon enough I'll carve out a little life for myself and I will start making Dubai home, but for the next day or so, I'm sad and missing my old home. 

Like I said, this isn't a complaint post, it just is what it is. (It's also a slightly pathetic post)


Adam Rozenhart said...

It sucks to be lonely, Iris. But it's part of the integration process. Just so long as you don't let it get the best of you and you overcome it, you'll be right as rain.

Oh shit, except there's no rain in the desert. So what do they say? You'll be grand as sand.

Iris Dias said...

Totally - I know this is just this phase, but it's the worst part of these types of adventures. Just so long as I don't runaway, I'll be ok.

I got nothing ... damn you and your rhyming sand!

Iris Dias said...

I was trying to think of something with camel too. And then maybe an oasis, but I couldn't come up with anything.

Time is such an evil mistress. And that slut is the only thing that is going to make it better. SLUT!

Priscilla Sharun said...

It is weird leaving a 'past life' and watching from afar at how people
appear to move on. Edmonton has moved on from me long ago. Damn human

I can only speak for myself, but I assure you that
the space you filled here is still empty and lonely. It can't be
replaced, only filled with 'stuff'.

I complain on a very regular
basis to anyone that will listen about you leaving (yes, know that deep
down I am happy for you), but it
just sucks to not have you around.
I guess I was just spoiled for 5 years and now its another lucky city's
turn at the world door knob (I mean that in the nicest way possible) ;)