Thursday, October 07, 2010

What I want

I'm getting a little sad.

Several months ago I returned from Europe with a spring in my step and hope in my pocket.

I sit here today with very little of either. I have lost the hope and I have lost the spring. And it makes me so sad.

The reason for the hope is starting to distance himself - as he should. It has been more than a year since we originally met. More than a year of being 8333km away from one another. More than a year of thinking about him and wishing with every little piece of me that this boy I met lived just a few time zones closer to me.

But alas he doesn't.

When I came back from Switzerland I thought there was a chance of him coming to visit before next year. I thought I had left enough of an impression on him that he would take a risk and fly across the world. Of course he didn't - how silly was I to even think that?

Pretty silly.

The earliest he may come here is March 2011. That would make it a year since I was in Switzerland. It's already been months without a decent date. And for all I know he is dating many women, or heck, maybe the reason for the distancing is that he found an actual girlfriend. Like I'd mentioned before, he's too cute to stay single for much longer.

I'm too scared to ask though. Too scared that he has had enough sense to move on, when I have not. Too scared to find out that I'm not worth waiting for, when I believed (and still do) that he is worth waiting for.

sucks.

4 comments:

Loxy said...

I've been you. It is awful.

I ended up cutting it off cold turkey because I couldn't bear to have him tell me to stop dreaming.

He was married a year later.

Eve said...

Or iris, that was the saddest post ever. I SO wish you were here... cuddling miss dixie would take your mind off of him! i think you need to cut it off... just rip off the bandage and let it heal.

XOXO
Eve

bowserings said...

I think you should ask him.
Honestly, what have you really got to lose?
Take some control back, and start getting back that spring in your step, regardless of his answer.

iris said...

I'm a realist and know the likely realities of the situation, but it's so much easier said than done. Especially when there have been zero decent opportunities here.