Wake-up Call

I used to set them all the time. But I always hated receiving them.

I hate waking up. But today, I kinda got an unexpected wake-up call.

Today, something happened (I won't go into the details here) that made me think about my life and my immediate future.

Not in a deep, reflective sorta way, but thinking nonetheless.

I was thinking about Vancouver. Whether or not this is the place for me. Whether or not I would be willing to leave it tomorrow, if the situation warranted. Whether or not I would be willing to apply and take the job for $60k a year - despite that being considerably more money than I will see for years. Whether or not I am ok with losing the ties I have here, however loose they may be.

And when I was done thinking, I realized I am not really ready to leave Vancouver. That I am starting to have a little life here - with people I generally quite like, things I enjoy doing, and routines I have gotten used to.

For so long, Vancouver was tied to P3 - and that isn't the case anymore. No longer does every god-damn-thing remind me of him.

Thank fucking god.


Oh, on a lighter note, I was outside for my afternoon ciggie today and received a you-can-be-saved type pamphlet.

heh.

Know your target audience.

the harsh light of day

I never really got what was meant by that. Sure hangovers hurt, but the harsh light of day? That seems a little extreme.

Today, as I work on the website for a new business-venture, I am engulfed in the harsh light of day.

I have lost a friend, a climbing partner and a puppy, all at once. And it kinda sucks.

My world, my Vancouver-life, my whole existence has shifted.

After a fight, of which I won't go into details here, I am left feeling ... lost. P3 is such a big piece of what Vancouver is to me. He has shaped my experience here for he better. He has helped shape my life for the better.

And now, all I can do is smoke and work and smoke.

I know what the opinions are out there about my friendship with my ex. Believe me, I have heard it. I am a lot of things, but I am not stupid. I see how dysfunctional it is. But, believe me, the benefits far out-weigh the liabilities.

FAR out-weigh.

He has been my best friend for some time now - dysfunctional as it may be. He has accepted me for my shitty ways and given me Sia. I can't imagine my world without them - and it breaks my heart that I may have to.

Thank god I have a lot of work to do this weekend.