Scared

No one likes to admit they are scared. There is something about being scared that feels weak - or something.

I dunno.

But I am going to say it, "I am scared."

My mom has to go for quadruple bypass surgery next week. I have never been this freaked out by anything.

All I can think about is how I have been a really shitty daughter. And that maybe I should move back to Edmonton. And what the hell would I do without her.

Fuck.

I can barely concentrate at work. Everything seems so trivial. Who the fuck cares about getting a stupid media hit - my mom is going in for major surgery.

Fuck.

And then I am also sick of hearing how it is no big deal.

Really? No big deal? REALLY!?

Are you fucking kidding me? They are going to cut open her chest and work on her heart. I am sorry, but it is a big-fucking-deal.

Ugh.

My poor mom. I can't imagine how she is feeling about this whole thing. She is all tough and acting like it isn't bothering her - which is probably more for me and dad than anything- but I can't imagine something like this not getting to someone.

It sure is getting to me.

She is my best friend. My champion and biggest fan. My life would be empty without her. I talk to her everyday, often multiple times a day, and I won't be made to feel stupid for that. I like talking to her. I like knowing what she is doing, how her day was and how annoying dad is.

Plus, she gave me life. I kinda owe her.

Cubicle Tours

I have mentioned several times how much I love my job.

And I mean, almost everything about my job. The view, the people, the actual work - everything about my job fits me.

One of the things I love most about my job is that they let me be me. I curse, and they don't mind. I am messy, and they accept it. I need my friends around, and they don't complain.

Now, having my friends around has become difficult considering that the majority of them live in Edmonton. But I have found a way.

Boy, have I ever.

This is my cubicle. You can see the clutter. There are pictures of almost (I said ALMOST) everyone that matters to me - I like to choose either the ones that I look the best in or make me giggle when I see them - although there are expceptions.

Example: I love the way Eve and I look in the pic behind my screen, but I get a giggle everytime I see the pic of Jarod and Smelly.

You will notice the gingerbread house to the left. I dislike Christmas a lot, and when I got back from China, my cube was wrapped and there was a gingerbread house left for me. Only the gingerbread house has pictures in the window. Not just any pictures, but the pictures taken for visas to China - one of me and one of my boss. We look like angry criminals, so even though it has been three months since Christmas, the gingerbread house remains.

I have a bottle of vitamin D - this started as a little Westside thing between my first cubie and I, but it is now just good health.

There is an ad my boss cut out for me. The headline reads "Are you an almost Indian". Hells yes.
The tub of vaseline, well, it's just the single best moisturizer known to man. Don't be dirty.

To the right, out of the shot, is my drawer full of treats. Chocolates in the first one and breakfast / lunch 'quick meals' in the second. You know, oatmeal, ramen noodles, granola bars - that sorta thing.

So that is my cube. I just thought I would share.

Vacation Day!

Ok, not really.

Saturday I had to get up really early and work an event in Port Coquitlam - it is a suburb of Vancouver, that is all you really need to know.

So, I went, I worked, I was pooped. While I was working, however, I received four calls and two texts from Priscilla.

Have I told you about her? She and I went to the PR program together, she was friends with one of Smelly's exes and we worked together for a while out here. Us working together was the most fun ever. It was great. We come from a similar school of thought (on a lot of things, not just work) anyways, I won't talk about her too much, in case she reads this, but Priscilla is good shit.

I digress, so she stalked my ass and convinced me, after I had been working since 8 am, to go out to another event in Surrey.

She lured me in with the promise of treats and friends and that was all it took - off to Surrey we went.

We got lost, went shopping, crossed a couple of bridges, saw some mountains and some really trashy people - the whole 'Surrey' thing isn't just a stereotype.

I had a killer time. And I wasn't expecting to at all. Not only that, I didn't want to go and only did it because I felt bad making her go by herself.

Fucking Priscilla. I could have been sleeping.

A glorious feeling

January has been VERY busy for me. Between the culmination of the holidays and my birthday and us being short-staffed, I have been tired for a good chunk of the month.

So fucking tired.

Most of my time has been going to one project at work, and while the meat of the project doesn't take that long, the background shit takes forever.

FOREVER.

There is a consistent deadline, so I have nothing but my procrastinating ways to blame for having to work till the last minute.

But there is something about a tight deadline that makes me work ... better.

And when the project is done - let me tell ya - yay!

Tonight, I finished the project. There will be minor edits tomorrow, but the painful part is done. I always make a little treat at the end of a busy period. I get silly drunk and not think about work for a couple of days.

It is my own little carrot.

So, that is what I will be doing this weekend. Killing a few brain cells and giggling the stress away.

Who needs massages?

A nice treat.

My parents just left. They came for a weeklong visit and I survived.

Not only that, I had a really fun time. I haven't lived with them in a really long time, and I had forgotten how much fun it was to have them around.

We didn't really do much. I had a bunch of work to do, but we totally hung out. Ate together, watched tv together, talked about shit together.

It was really nice.

It was so nice, in fact, that I almost cried when they left.

This is a brand new world.