What is the matter with you?

Have you ever wondered that? I wonder it all the time.

Why are you so fucked up? Why can't you just pull it together and enjoy life again? Why not?

It has been a year. A year since my life was great. I was sorta working again, I had just been published twice and I was in love. So very much in love.

I had this man in my life that proved he was worth it. Proved that he was willing to offer more than any other before. Proved that not all men suck. That not all men are going to dick you around and leave you when things get a little tough.

Then, a year later, he went and proved me right ... all men are going to dick you around and leave you when things get a little tough.

Granted, there were definitely more cons on his list than pros. That much I am sure of. I had warped into this person that I never was before. A person I barely recognized as myself. I mean, it sounded like me, it looked like me, it did things that I would do, but it wasn't me.

And it hasn't been me for a while. A really long while.

You see, in mid-July, my life shifted. It shifted in a way I have been unable to grapple with. All of a sudden, my life was out of my control. Things were happening to me and my body that were totally out of my control.

I didn't want to be me, so why would anyone want to be with me?

It would have been too much for anyone, so I can hardly blame him for walking away. I have just become too much to deal with, even for myself.

And my poor friends. God, can only imagine how many of them would LOVE to turn and walk away from me, but, unfortunately for them, I know every possible way of contacting them, so they can't. Heh. Sucks for them.

So yeah, I wonder all the time, what is the matter with me? I know, I just don't know how to fix it. I guess that is the part that separates the crazies from the normals ... knowing how to fix what is wrong with you.

Dudes weekend

Smelly Paul came to visit for five days.

I have never been so excited for someone to visit (at least not for someone I would not be doing dirty things with) before. See, I really thought that no matter where I lived, I would not see SP. So when he was able to find a conference out here, well, I peed a little.

He landed Friday night. I picked up, met with some friends, grabbed cheap Indian takeout and came back to my place. The weather sucked and SP and I have never been the type to go out, so we cracked open Settlers of Catan and played the night away.

Saturday, we made, what felt like, a trek to mecca. Met some friends and enjoyed a beautiful Vancouver day. Walked around downtown, then met up with Aaron and his wife and returned to my apartment. We made plans to go out, but that never materialized. P3 came over and it was another night of Catan.

Sunday was spent walking the city. We found what is supposed to be one of the best seafood joints in Vancouver, a fish shack. Then took the water taxi to Yaletown, walked to English Bay, tried to go to North Van on the SeaBus, but JUST missed it.

See, the thing about a weekend like this, is that while we did a lot. We didn't really do a lot. Most of the time was doing what we love best and well, that is nothing.

He thinks his wife would really like it here, so there is hopes of a move if you ask me.

Has it been that long?

I just realized that I haven't posted in over a month. How ridiculous is that?? So here is the first of a few, just for a brief catch-up.

I have been so fucking busy. Like stupid busy.

I have been rock climbing. I really like it so far, although with my fickle nature, that will likely change in no time.

I have been so tired. Drinking coffee tired. I hate coffee. The taste, the caffeine, nothing about coffee appeals to me. But here I am, drinking a cup the second I get into work. What is that?!

I am in love with my new apartment. I think it is pretty great. Now all I need is a maid and everything would be great.

So there it is, the quick and dirty catch-up of my not-so-fabulous-life.

I was NOT expecting that

So, Steve and I went to breakfast Sunday morning. Then we went to the aquarium and then Steve cooked me dinner. (Have I mentioned how much I love Steve)

Then it was off to the show.

The concert was The Avett Brothers.

Fuck was it good. And not what I was expecting.

I have to admit, the only cd I had of theirs is their latest one. I think it is pretty great, alt-country, folksy, just really good. But, I didn't know a TON about them live.

Well they were energetic, enthusiastic, up-tempo, just AWESOME.

I haven't been that surprised and excited about a show since The Constantines.

Plus, the lead singer was hot. Like seriously hot.

Ok, it's pretty

Sure it's pretty. I will give Vancouver that. It is a very pretty city - mountains, beaches, flowers - and that might be able to save it during the summer.

The biggest reason I came to this startling realization is because of Steve. Yes, of Jarod and Steve.

Steve came down for a concert (see the next post) and Jarod was at a conference, so it was Steve and I for the weekend.

He came in early (like 7:40AM early) on Saturday. The weather was fucking beautiful. Like blue skies, sun shining beautiful. We went for breakfast to Sophie's Cosmic Cafe. (Steve's dog's name is Sophie, so he got quite the kick out of it) And then we walked.

We walked from my apartment (Kits) to Granville Island. Took the water taxi to Yaletown, walked from Yaletown around English Bay and then to my work.

I have always said, to see a city you have to walk it. Driving just won't do. That is why I think I could never like LA. Gah. LA. Of course a city full of vapid narcissts would be a driving city.

Tangent - sorry.

But yes, walking gives Vancouver a whole new ... something.

Also, did I mention I am like four blocks from the beach?