Where do I go from here?

I have been trying to write this post for three weeks with limited success.

A few weeks ago, two of my closest friends came to visit for a girl's weekend on the coast. I was super excited, and even cleaned my apartment for the visit.

These two people have been with me for almost 10 years now. Our friendship is real, there is no doubt about that. Our friendship is deep, there is also no doubt about that.

But the thing about relationships with depth is that they have the power to hurt more than others.

It sucks.

During this trip, and after a lovely dinner, my two friends confronted me on something they had both discussed prior to arriving in Vancouver - my lack of emotions.

In their words, I am an emotional robot.

Now this is not the first time my inability to emote on command has put strain on my relationships. P3 made several comments about my emotional quotient.

Here's the thing, I'm not unemotional. My friends' comments made me quite angry, which proves I am, in fact, not a robot. I am a fixer. I see a problem, hear you crying or upset, I'm going to try my damnedest to resolve the problem as quickly as possible. I also don't believe in burdening people with my woes. My life can be quite heavy at times, too heavy for me, so why should I unload on other people. There's just no need for it.

We were able to resolve(ish)the fight that ensued. They left on good terms and life was to continue on as normal, but their words have left a deeper impression than expected.

Here I am, three weeks later, still obsessing about it. And not only am I still hurt by their words, but I wonder what kind of truth lies in them. Am I too cold for people? Are my walls finally proving too high for even my closest friends? And if they are too high for my friends, how will a man ever overcome them?

I've done the obligatory survey - asking every stakeholder I can think of it they are correct. The response has mainly been that I am in fact, not an emotional robot. Which is nice to hear, but I don't necessarily believe them.

So where does all this rambling leave me? I don't want to fight with my friends, but at the same time, I'm still hurt by their words. I'm still hurt by the fact that they both had the same issues, but neither had the balls to talk to me about it. I'm still hurt that two people I care deeply about questioned my dedication and attachment to our relationships.

Basically, I'm pretty fucking hurt and I don't really know where to go from here.

Come and knock on my door

I love having visitors. It makes Vancouver worthwhile to know that it is close enough for people to visit.

Next up, Harp and BD. VERY excited. I have already been arranging their trip. I am lame. I know.

So far, almost everyone has come out for a visit.

Smelly, the dude I thought would never show, has come a few times now. Thank goodness for OH&S conferences in Vancouver!

See, these people that visit, they can make any place home. Transform my sad little apartment into a place I want to be, rather than a place I have to be.

I get to play tourist with them and see what Vancouver has to offer - beyond the water taxi.

This is probably a bit weird, but one of the big reasons I took my apartment was because it is so close to the beach. I thought ... this would be lovely for visitors.

And it is. No doubt about it.

So, who's up next? September is looking might lonely.

Lucky

One of my dearest and bestest friends, Eve, came to Vancouver for a little viz.

I'll go into the visit later - we had a blast, as per usual.

At one point, Eve said, "Do you remember your sixth grade birthday party ..."

Eve and I, NYC 2007

I paused to appreciate the fact that I still have someone in my life (who isn't related to me) that can say that.

Afterwards, we called my mom and told her our confessions of 12 year old rebellion.

We're both grounded.

Dudes weekend

Smelly Paul came to visit for five days.

I have never been so excited for someone to visit (at least not for someone I would not be doing dirty things with) before. See, I really thought that no matter where I lived, I would not see SP. So when he was able to find a conference out here, well, I peed a little.

He landed Friday night. I picked up, met with some friends, grabbed cheap Indian takeout and came back to my place. The weather sucked and SP and I have never been the type to go out, so we cracked open Settlers of Catan and played the night away.

Saturday, we made, what felt like, a trek to mecca. Met some friends and enjoyed a beautiful Vancouver day. Walked around downtown, then met up with Aaron and his wife and returned to my apartment. We made plans to go out, but that never materialized. P3 came over and it was another night of Catan.

Sunday was spent walking the city. We found what is supposed to be one of the best seafood joints in Vancouver, a fish shack. Then took the water taxi to Yaletown, walked to English Bay, tried to go to North Van on the SeaBus, but JUST missed it.

See, the thing about a weekend like this, is that while we did a lot. We didn't really do a lot. Most of the time was doing what we love best and well, that is nothing.

He thinks his wife would really like it here, so there is hopes of a move if you ask me.

I was NOT expecting that

So, Steve and I went to breakfast Sunday morning. Then we went to the aquarium and then Steve cooked me dinner. (Have I mentioned how much I love Steve)

Then it was off to the show.

The concert was The Avett Brothers.

Fuck was it good. And not what I was expecting.

I have to admit, the only cd I had of theirs is their latest one. I think it is pretty great, alt-country, folksy, just really good. But, I didn't know a TON about them live.

Well they were energetic, enthusiastic, up-tempo, just AWESOME.

I haven't been that surprised and excited about a show since The Constantines.

Plus, the lead singer was hot. Like seriously hot.

Ok, it's pretty

Sure it's pretty. I will give Vancouver that. It is a very pretty city - mountains, beaches, flowers - and that might be able to save it during the summer.

The biggest reason I came to this startling realization is because of Steve. Yes, of Jarod and Steve.

Steve came down for a concert (see the next post) and Jarod was at a conference, so it was Steve and I for the weekend.

He came in early (like 7:40AM early) on Saturday. The weather was fucking beautiful. Like blue skies, sun shining beautiful. We went for breakfast to Sophie's Cosmic Cafe. (Steve's dog's name is Sophie, so he got quite the kick out of it) And then we walked.

We walked from my apartment (Kits) to Granville Island. Took the water taxi to Yaletown, walked from Yaletown around English Bay and then to my work.

I have always said, to see a city you have to walk it. Driving just won't do. That is why I think I could never like LA. Gah. LA. Of course a city full of vapid narcissts would be a driving city.

Tangent - sorry.

But yes, walking gives Vancouver a whole new ... something.

Also, did I mention I am like four blocks from the beach?

My girl likes to party all the time

I do. I know I pretend that I don't, but I love a good party. Few things get your energy out like a great party and Ron gave me the perfect excuse to do just that, party.

Ron's flight was VERY early Saturday morning, so we decided that an all-nighter was the only acceptable way to handle a flight that early.

We went to the Cambie. So, it is this hostel that has a bar in it. The people are totally chill, they have picnic benches instead of tables, so you sit and people join you. It was me, Ron, Nancy (Ron's friend) and P3.

After the four of us chugged five pitchers of beer, Ron, P3 and I headed to Gorgomish, an after hours club.

Now, I have only been to one real after hours club and boy was it sketch. This one, however, was not sketch at all. Super nice actually, I wasn't even scared of the bathrooms.

We stayed there until 5:30AM, danced our asses off, I cock-blocked Ron and just had a really fun time. I had forgotten that I could have fun like that late into the morning. It was great.

The music was ok, nothing to write home about, but it served it's purpose.

Poor Ron though. Dude had to get on the plane still energized from the party that night. I don't know how he did it. He is a better man than I.

So, I have to thank Ronald J. Atcheson for a great week. He was a great distraction from the things that I hate about my life right now and helped me focus on the fun that is possible. Gotta love that.

Let's go Oilers!

First of all, a big word of thanks to Nikki for inviting me to my first hockey game of the season on Thursday. The topper on this hockey sundae, is the fact that it was the last game for your Edmonton Oilers.

AND it was a pivotal game for the Canucks. They were fighting for a playoff berth and well, the Oil ruined that hope.

The game was great. I was drunk, beligerent and getting a ton of dirty looks. And I loved it. I got out a ton of my aggression that has built up for the past little while.

Awesome.

Oh, and the Oilers won. They eliminated the Canucks and I got to flex the knowledge I have gained from Smelly Paul. I knew being friends with him would pay off eventually.

But yes, so much freaking fun. I think I might actually buy tickets to Oilers games next year.

What is it about being in a different city that inspires civic pride in me?

Gay for Jarod

Well, not really. But he is pretty fun.

Jarod came for a visit this weekend. The thing with Jarod is that he is ... whatever. Literally, "Jarod, do you want to ...?" Jarod:"Whatever"

He is up for anything and if it sucks, he will inform you. Happily.

He got in Thursday night, we went for dinner, late. We only ate at like 10PM. Dinner was really good. Mashed potato spring rolls, proscuitto pizza ... MMMMM. Not healthy, but so good. The place was called Lickerish. Really good. Then we came back here and proceeded to play Wii until 2 AM. And I had to work the next day.

The next day was torture. I was horribly tired and it was my busiest day at work yet. I didn't even have the chance to properly Facebook. Hi, busy. But Jarod met me for lunch, picked me up and chilled out for a bit. We went to a Japanese tapas restaurant by my place. Again, really good. Super ineresting dishes and sushi. What more could you want?

After dinner, we had tickets to check out Mark Farina at the Commodore. He was really good. Some danceable, not too hyper, house music. I got to dance my little butt off and watch Jarod shake his ass.

Saturday was going to be an adventure. Jarod found out that Harrison Hot Springs is close to Vancouver, so off we went at a ridiculously early time. The drive was like Lord of the Rings, all misty mountain hoppy.

When we get to Harrison, we find the resort, assuming you can buy a day pass and hang-out. Oh no. You have to have a service at the spa, and the only one she had available was a 25-minute massage for $60. We passed and decided to go for the cheap, public version.

Now, I don't really get hot springs. They end up being like hot pools, especially when they are indoors - which the public one was. It was a little low brow, but then again, so are Jarod and I. But it was fun to get a little randomness in, with a person who might actually be more random than me. Weird.

Any more visitors? Smelly? Harp? Eve? ANYONE???