Goodbye dear friends

Have you ever loved something so much, you got sad at even the thought of it not being around in the future?

Has this thing ever been a pair of shoes.

I know what you are thinking 'Again with the shoes?'.

But these shoes were perfect. I bought them several (I am thinking like six) years ago from Gravity Pope. The have been through some of the best times of my life with me. My first trip to NYC, every vacation, great dates, not so great dates, my broken ankle (I actually broke my ankle in them, thanks, of course, to Jarod) and countless other memories.

If you have ever met me, you have seen them. I have been in them constantly. They are the perfect pair of white and black Reebok slip-ons. (I hate laces)

These shoes have been inching closer towards death for the past little while now. I have resisted buying replacements because I just want to wear these for as long as possible. They don't make the style anymore and all other styles pale in comparason.

Well, I finally did it. I broke down and bought a new pair of Adidas. The are close, but not nearly as cool.

I would like to take a moment to mourn the loss of a pair of dear friends. But, as long as there is breath in these lungs, I promise you, I will search for a shoe repair store I trust enough to bring you back. Back to the point the kids in Brooklyn were commenting on how cool my kicks were.

I PROMISE!


R.I.P.
Reeboks
2002 - 2008

I think I am addicted to speed

No seriously, but not the drug-kind.

I went speed dating last night. I have always wanted to do it, so I dragged my friend Nikki with me and we went. Neither of us was expecting anything. Neither of us thought we would have any yesses and all we were expecting was a couple of horror stories to tell our friends.

Well, that was probably the most fun I have had in a really long time.

It was held at this nice pub on Granville. It was totally chaotic in the beginning, due to a lack of planning on the part of the organizers (I kept on thinking, why didn't you do a SWOT analysis of this?!). But the night ended up being fun.

I am sure I have mentioned this before, I have severe social anxiety. I can't do large groups, I am quiet, which comes off as snobby and I just end up sitting by myself. This was perfect though. I didn't have enough time to get nervous and I found the cuter guys (as per usual) ended up being duds. Now, granted, I was no where near being sober. I wasn't fall-off-my-chair drunk, but I definitely wasn't work-sober.

The first few were tough and I wish I could take back one yes, but it was my second date of the night and the first one was not my type. But as the night progressed, it got way easier. There was only one date that was truly painful and I was counting down the three-minutes, but the rest of them were tolerable.

And, it is amazing how much I swear after a few drinks. Like the filter comes totally off. I curse like a sailor at times and it is really polarizing. Either the guy was totally turned on by it or so put off that I could see it on their face.

Fuck was that a fun night.

I would happily do it again. Easily the most fun I have had in Vancouver in forever.

Good Times.

Ugh

I feel betrayed by my body. I feel as though I don't know who's it is anymore. This isn't mine. It can't be. My body wouldn't do things like this to me.

I mean, sure I abuse it, but no more than anyone else really.

So what is the deal? How did it come to this? Why has it decided that functioning in a normal way is no longer it's bag? And why do I have to deal with it? Shouldn't I just be going out and getting drunk and messed up like everyone else? Not obsessing about things that are WAY beyond my understanding.

Not only that, but why do I have to try and make people feel better? When I was in hospital, I felt like that was my job - to ensure everyone else was ok. That they didn't think it was a big deal.

It was and still is a big deal. For me at least.

I know, I know. Poor Iris. Life is so hard.

Well sometimes it is.

And I feel like the one person I was able to lean on, able to confide in, able to talk to in an honest way, without judgement or fear that they may walk out, has done just that, walked out.

On top of all of that, I am stuck in a city where I don't really trust anyone. At least not in the same way I trust the people who have been there since day one. People who's doorstep I can show up on with no questions asked, with them just offering a couch and an ear.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Nope, still here. That sucks.

If I could erase last year, I would. Fully, completely, gone. No thoughts of it, no recollection. Just wiped out.

I would be ok with that. I would even give up the good shit to have last year not happen.

Anyone got a Delorean?

Maybe it's an inner-ear thing

Most people would agree, a balance is necessary in every aspect of your life. I have believd this for a while, too much of anything is a bad thing.

Well, I have very little balance lately and I am totally sober ... most of the time.

You see, I have two really great aspects of my life, amazing friends and a killer job. It just so happens that they don't exist in the same city. So I figure I will overload with work whilst in Vancouver and overload on friends when I get to go to Edmonton.

I just got back from the City of Champions and again, it did not disappoint. I got to see everyone, got to chat with everyone and I was reminded that social interactions don't always have to be awkward and unsettling, they can actually be comforting and relaxed.

And again, it was a little disappointing to return to Vancouver, but what can you do??